alright. well. it's 10:30 and if i procrastinate much longer, i'll have failed BEDA on the first day, which is unprecedented for me. and, though i'm all up for trying new things, i don't see myself enjoying that in any way.
i just imagined myself in that scenario as i typed the last sentence. just looking at the clock at 12:30am, realizing i was supposed to have written a blog, and just feeling like an utter and complete failure and being really bummed out and regretful and wishing i could push back the clock. now, i'm pretty sure that was a run-on sentence and also that it seems really over-dramatic, but sadly it's true. i would feel really bad about myself for at least a minute. and i might even be put off the entire project at that point, i'd probably be so disheartened.
in conclusion, i am writing now, and i'm going to make a fair go of "winning" BEDA. (more on my quotation marks in a moment.)
so, other than beda beginning today, there really aren't any other "new beginnings" as one would assume from the title. i just wanted to start things off with a bang and figured a dramatic title was the best way to do it.
so, okay, having done BEDA and "Blaugust" last year, i can now come at this with a strategy. and really it's more of an anti-strategy. being that i've known myself intimately my entire life,* i've gotten to know certain things about myself such as the fact that if i make a big deal out of something and put pressure on myself about it, i increase my chances for failure significantly. (oh! my sentence structure is so... oh, it's so bad! but i just can't be bothered to edit it properly. if i do, it'll become this perfectionist game and i won't finish in time, i know it!)
so, in short, i'm just gonna write a blog every day. i'm not gonna plan it out and think of topics ahead of time. i'm not gonna worry about repeat topics or if it's funny or clever or... well any of the regular** bullshit i worry about. (i know what you're thinking. you see no evidence of that in my other blog posts. but you know, i'm like, on the short bus of writers. and it's really not nice to make fun of kids on the short bus!) instead, i'm not going to worry about anything. i'm removing all of the pressures that i imagine for myself. i'm just gonna write a fucking blog every day, and if it's shit, i'm not going to care. mostly because i've just owned up to it ahead of time, and if you hate it, you can't say i didn't warn you.
and here, this paragraph right here, i will come back to the parenthetical promise i made earlier to talk about why i put quotes around the word "winning" in reference to BEDA. see, when we*** miss a day during this project, we say we failed. but we don't say we "won" BEDA if we wrote every day. it's not a competition. it's just an experience. no one looks at your blog if you miss a day (or quit completely, as is sometimes apt to happen) and goes, "aw! they failed at BEDA. they clearly suck at this." but whenever you see the next blog post after someone misses a day, they totally berate themselves! (i'm guilty of this, too.) they talk about how they failed, or they suck, or they apologize. and, as a reader i'm not like, "you did fail, and it does kind of suck, but i'm glad you recognize your error. all is forgiven." no! i always think the person is being a bit hard on themselves. it's just a... a game really. a goal. can you do it? and there's a million reasons (like, you know, normal daily life) why you might not succeed. but that actually isn't really a bad thing. it's just a thing.
so, to anyone reading my BEDA posts this year and participating as well, please don't feel bad and say you failed if you miss a day (or possibly quit altogether). you have nothing to be ashamed of, and i promise not to judge you for it.
now that i've finished that all important rant that i was all gung-ho to write when i started, it just seems kinda pretentious and corny and stupid. but, i started this post by saying i wouldn't get all caught up in the content and editing and criticizing myself... well, i'll criticize myself, but i'm still gonna freakin' post it.
ok, i'm gonna go read some BEDAs and watch some VEDAs. see ya here tomorrow. ...except not here literally. cuz it would be weird if i just kept adding to the same post tomorrow instead of making a new one.
* wow! that sounds kinda like some kind of sly reference to masturbation. and it's not. that would be kind of weird if, for my entire life, even before i had a libido to speak of, i had been masturbating. this would be a post about the need for hormone therapy then, i think.
** i was going to write "normal," but let's face it, probably nothing regarding me and my blogging/writing habits is normal. it's certainly not grammatical in any case.
*** those of us who participate in BEDA and/or V(log)EDA.
