i just really felt the need to write something that wasn't my NaNovel. i've been wanting to do this for a while, just turning on a song and letting it inspire the story i would tell. so i did that. (at 3am. because i'm a freakin' genius!)
oh! and this is completely unedited. there could be super terrible spelling errors or words missing or typos, or any of a myriad of terrible things that can be found in writing. i apologize ahead of time. and without further ado:
The worst part is it wasn't bad.
If it had been bad, it wouldn't hurt. I could drown out the pain with anger and justification and logic. I could remember the bad and bury the good, and move on unscathed.
I wouldn't obsessively play "our" song because sometimes it makes me feel good, but most times it just reminds me that it's over and irreparable and makes me cry, but I keep playing it hoping that this will be one of the feel-good plays. I wouldn't need ice packs to minimize the puffiness around my eyes before work in the morning. I wouldn't have the constant clock ticking in my head, an endless metronome that counts down to when I can stop pretending that I'm ok and moving on and not endlessly thinking of you.
During the day I tell myself it's not over. I tell myself I'll call you on my lunch break. And on my lunch break I tell myself I'll call you after work. And all the while the clock keeps ticking. And I deleted your number from my phone because if I kept calling and hanging up, you would stop answering blocked calls, and getting your voicemail instead of your voice when I know you're there would be unbearable. I spent days trying to decide whether the fact that technology allows you to never need to memorize anyone's phone number is a blessing or a curse. If not for that, you're number would be permanently etched into my brain, programmed into the muscle memory of my fingertips. Instead, my fingers remember how to call you with speed dial, but there's no longer your number in that memory slot. And I finally decided that it's both. It is both a blessing and a curse because although all I want to do is call just to hear you say "hello," it is best that I do not. It is best that I let your voice slowly fade from my memory. Even though that is the least desirable thing I can think of doing right now.
The weekends are the worst. The nine hours I spend on weekdays pretending I'll call you later are open and empty, waiting for me to fill them in. I fill them with denial, and "our song" and washing. I have washed everything I own at least ten times. I swear I have the cleanest apartment anyone has ever seen. I should probably phone the Guinness Book of Records, because I have no doubt I would make the cut. The only reason I don't is that media likes to cover when people make it into the Guinness Book, and they would ask me what inspired me to clean so much, and I'd be forced to admit to the whole world that I'm unforgivably pathetic and that the only way I can keep from killing myself is by cleaning.
I said the worst thing was that it wasn't bad. I change my mind. While that is definitely horrendously bad, on second glance, it really is only second best to the very worst thing. The very worst thing absolutely has to be that this is all my fault. If it weren't, and if I could blame you, I might be able to slant this into something tolerable.
And don't misunderstand me. I blame you. If only you had done a better job of communicating your feelings. If only you had been around more often when I was available. Did you ever think about taking my schedule into consideration? But this part, the blaming you, it all happens at the crescendo of the denial. When lost in a mass of denial I can tell myself that it wasn't my fault at all and that this was inevitable and that it should have happened sooner. But even then, even when I'm in the throes of lying to myself, I know that I'm lying. Somewhere in the undercurrent I always know what really happened. I always know that this is something I did and you didn't want.
And I was wrong. That isn't the worst part. The worst part is that you left thinking that I didn't care. Or that I didn't care enough. But I did. I cared so much! And that's why I had to erase your number. That's why I couldn't stop calling you. Because I knew if I could just explain to you that I did care. That there were entire days that I didn't think of anything but you, then things would be ok. They probably would never go back to how they were. I might never see you again. But at least you would know that I'm not the careless jerk that i acted like, and that you were loved, sometimes overwhelmingly so, every single day, and that I'm sorry for making you ever feel otherwise. And there's a small part of me, a ridiculous and hopeless part I know, but a part all the same that thinks if only I could somehow successfully convey this all to you, that maybe this would fix everything. That this would be enough to reverse the damage and make everything better. But I know that, even if I somehow were able to find the words to tell you how I feel and properly apologize, that it would never go back to how it was. The wound is bigger than the band-aid can cover. So I deleted your number rather than putting myself through a new cycle of pain and you through the most awkward conversation in the universe.
My sister says that I'll get over this. That one day I'll wake up and you won't be the first thing on my mind. I've had heartbreak before, and I know it felt like a perpetual annihilation and that I healed. And I know that my sister thinks that what she says is true. That I will move on and find someone who fits me even better, but I swear she's wrong. There will never ever be another person in a million years that I will love even half as much.
But if I do fall in love again, which I don't think is likely, but if I do, I will never let my fear of expressing emotions get in the way of being careful and loving, and most of all, present.
here's what happened...
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
Nanowrimo's Eve
well, here we are. Nanowrimo's Eve. ...and, ya know, Halloween. but Nanowrimo's Eve!!!
i've done all the preparation i can do, and now all that's left is to pray i don't get writer's block. i know where my story is going. i've finally met my characters (if only briefly. i would've liked to have spent more time with them.) and i have some chapters pre-written in my head. now i'm just all nervous and anxious.
two days ago i started thinking that i should just switch stories altogether. despite having outlined the entire thing, and made up characters, and even drawn a map, i thought maybe it would be easier to do the other story. ya know the one. the one where i talked about not being able to do because i would have to do WAY too much character development and i wasn't even sure if i was happy with the ending or the journey there. granted, i have since made a rough outline of said story and even developed the characters a bit, but still. i don't know that story nearly as well as i know my Nano story. and there are big plot holes i haven't worked through that could really stop me up, while my Nano story is solid.
(sigh) i have to win this. because next year i just want to either a) finish Theta or b) finish my "God story." that's the working title. i half way want to work off some of these jitters by writing a chapter of something else, and half way too scared that i'll somehow burn myself out if i do that. i make no sense. hence why i'm trying to unwind a bit with blogging.
ok, i'm off to do that bathing thing. expect frantic and sporadic updates throughout the month!
i've done all the preparation i can do, and now all that's left is to pray i don't get writer's block. i know where my story is going. i've finally met my characters (if only briefly. i would've liked to have spent more time with them.) and i have some chapters pre-written in my head. now i'm just all nervous and anxious.
two days ago i started thinking that i should just switch stories altogether. despite having outlined the entire thing, and made up characters, and even drawn a map, i thought maybe it would be easier to do the other story. ya know the one. the one where i talked about not being able to do because i would have to do WAY too much character development and i wasn't even sure if i was happy with the ending or the journey there. granted, i have since made a rough outline of said story and even developed the characters a bit, but still. i don't know that story nearly as well as i know my Nano story. and there are big plot holes i haven't worked through that could really stop me up, while my Nano story is solid.
(sigh) i have to win this. because next year i just want to either a) finish Theta or b) finish my "God story." that's the working title. i half way want to work off some of these jitters by writing a chapter of something else, and half way too scared that i'll somehow burn myself out if i do that. i make no sense. hence why i'm trying to unwind a bit with blogging.
ok, i'm off to do that bathing thing. expect frantic and sporadic updates throughout the month!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
a finisher
so recently i've started watching John Green play FIFA on Hank Games. i'm not a gamer, but when i do game, i do not play sports. watching someone play a sports game would have to be the most boring thing anyone could possibly do. unless it's accompanied by the fabulous story weaving skills of John Green.
He tells stories from his life as though it's a story from one of his novels. He introduces the characters, describes the setting, lays out the plot, and ends with some kind of moral or joke.
But while the true stories are fashioned fabulously, i'm in it for the fiction. All the players of the Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers have a story. star striker Bald John Green with his magnificent mustache who is married to his teammate Other John Green. Voluptuous Paricard and the epic romance he shares with his wife. Fat Lucas, the trusty goal keeper and recovering alcoholic. and my favorite, the womanizing, dedicated and loyal (to the team) "stone cold Cteve with a C Austin!"
there is a "gazette" that covers their games and they even have twitter accounts. John releases an episode almost every day, and i look forward to them.
the thing i have taken from these episodes, besides their entertainment value, is being a "finisher."
when someone scores a goal, team manager John Green is often heard to say, "he's a finisher!"
last week i remembered something i had forgotten to do, and therefore couldn't complete it. as in i couldn't just go back and finish it later. (i don't remember what the thing was right now, but don't worry about that. that detail isn't necessary.) i looked down, shook my head sadly and said to myself, "i'm not a finisher."
so now, thanks to John Green, i'm either a finisher, or i'm "not a finisher" in everything i do. :P
He tells stories from his life as though it's a story from one of his novels. He introduces the characters, describes the setting, lays out the plot, and ends with some kind of moral or joke.
But while the true stories are fashioned fabulously, i'm in it for the fiction. All the players of the Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers have a story. star striker Bald John Green with his magnificent mustache who is married to his teammate Other John Green. Voluptuous Paricard and the epic romance he shares with his wife. Fat Lucas, the trusty goal keeper and recovering alcoholic. and my favorite, the womanizing, dedicated and loyal (to the team) "stone cold Cteve with a C Austin!"
there is a "gazette" that covers their games and they even have twitter accounts. John releases an episode almost every day, and i look forward to them.
the thing i have taken from these episodes, besides their entertainment value, is being a "finisher."
when someone scores a goal, team manager John Green is often heard to say, "he's a finisher!"
last week i remembered something i had forgotten to do, and therefore couldn't complete it. as in i couldn't just go back and finish it later. (i don't remember what the thing was right now, but don't worry about that. that detail isn't necessary.) i looked down, shook my head sadly and said to myself, "i'm not a finisher."
so now, thanks to John Green, i'm either a finisher, or i'm "not a finisher" in everything i do. :P
Friday, October 28, 2011
overindulgence
so, Coffee Bean (& Tea Leaf) is a chain like Starbucks, but the coffee isn't bitter and there's a larger focus on teas.
back when i was 19/20 i would go to the Coffee Bean every day and regularly order a large sized chocolate ice blended drink, with chocolate syrup and caramel mixed in, chocolate syrup and caramel drizzled on the outside, a shot (or two) of espresso, with whipped cream on top. sometimes i would get chocolate covered espresso beans blended in just for fun.
i have one question: how the hell am i not diabetic?!?
back when i was 19/20 i would go to the Coffee Bean every day and regularly order a large sized chocolate ice blended drink, with chocolate syrup and caramel mixed in, chocolate syrup and caramel drizzled on the outside, a shot (or two) of espresso, with whipped cream on top. sometimes i would get chocolate covered espresso beans blended in just for fun.
i have one question: how the hell am i not diabetic?!?
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
some day...
some day, my blog will be sorted and i'll be able to post on my own domain (chelseairl.com). *sigh*
i can't even tell you how many hours i've invested in trying to get my fucking blog up on my site. seriously. it's fucking ridiculous.
i've tried using the Wordpress app that comes with my hosting service, i've tried manually posting it (both methods i've successfully achieved with two other hosting services) and nothing is working. if i was a complete n00b i... i would actually be more screwed, now that i think of it. because i would think i must be doing something terribly wrong. *sigh*
i guess i'm just going to have to contact my hosting service. i really can't think of anything else i can do. Wordpress won't work. Blogger won't work- oh! let me tell you a bit about my blogger woes!
so i thought, ok, till i can figure out my Wordpress thing, i'll just set it up to redirect through blogger. it's a fairly simple process. no worries. this has actually been more frustrating than WP. because while with WP it could be one of a million little quirks (one misplaced character in the code, a software issue, etc.), blogger was actually showing up, and then disappearing. literally. i would enter the address to my blog, and for about 15 min. it would show it, then for an hour it would be gone. then it would magically be back. then it would be gone again. THAT IS NOT LOGICAL!!! it's either set up correctly, or it's not. it can't disappear and reappear. that just doesn't make any sense in any way and... yeah. that's the point i gave up.
so, some day, hopefully soon, i'll have my blog hosted on my own site. until then, i guess we're just gonna have to go the good old fashioned Blogger route.
i can't even tell you how many hours i've invested in trying to get my fucking blog up on my site. seriously. it's fucking ridiculous.
i've tried using the Wordpress app that comes with my hosting service, i've tried manually posting it (both methods i've successfully achieved with two other hosting services) and nothing is working. if i was a complete n00b i... i would actually be more screwed, now that i think of it. because i would think i must be doing something terribly wrong. *sigh*
i guess i'm just going to have to contact my hosting service. i really can't think of anything else i can do. Wordpress won't work. Blogger won't work- oh! let me tell you a bit about my blogger woes!
so i thought, ok, till i can figure out my Wordpress thing, i'll just set it up to redirect through blogger. it's a fairly simple process. no worries. this has actually been more frustrating than WP. because while with WP it could be one of a million little quirks (one misplaced character in the code, a software issue, etc.), blogger was actually showing up, and then disappearing. literally. i would enter the address to my blog, and for about 15 min. it would show it, then for an hour it would be gone. then it would magically be back. then it would be gone again. THAT IS NOT LOGICAL!!! it's either set up correctly, or it's not. it can't disappear and reappear. that just doesn't make any sense in any way and... yeah. that's the point i gave up.
so, some day, hopefully soon, i'll have my blog hosted on my own site. until then, i guess we're just gonna have to go the good old fashioned Blogger route.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
still going...
you haven't seen any writing from me lately, but i've been writing every day. i'm writing character backgrounds and the histories of locations and about animals and monsters and items. i basically have to make an entire fantasy game. so i need to figure out the weapons and the armor and who can use what and how. what are the different classes strengths and weaknesses. there's just so much to write before i actually write! i have so much to add to the timeline! so many scenes i have to add!
i hope all this work will pay off as much as i think it will.
i hope all this work will pay off as much as i think it will.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Wrimo!
ok, so i'm not sure if i'm going to get any progress done on anything else, but i can at least write a blog post.
so, since everyone is gearing up for NaNoWriMo, this one chick found all the people in her circles participating in Wrimo and put them in one public circle. only people in the circle could see each other. all 250 people are adding each other. so... i gained 250 friends today. XD
oh, and if anyone's doing Wrimo let me know so i can add you to my Wrimo circle.
also, this year i plan to go to some of the Wrimo events. at the very least i'll be going to the kick-off, mid-month, and TGIO (Thank Gosh It's Over) parties. we'll see how many of the meet-ups in between i make it to.
i'm just so excited this year! i'm nervous that i won't win, but not so much that i don't think i will. i just hope i don't get a block in the middle! there's not much you can do if you get a block. :/
well i'm gonna go back to planning, plotting and character development! see ya when i see ya!
so, since everyone is gearing up for NaNoWriMo, this one chick found all the people in her circles participating in Wrimo and put them in one public circle. only people in the circle could see each other. all 250 people are adding each other. so... i gained 250 friends today. XD
oh, and if anyone's doing Wrimo let me know so i can add you to my Wrimo circle.
also, this year i plan to go to some of the Wrimo events. at the very least i'll be going to the kick-off, mid-month, and TGIO (Thank Gosh It's Over) parties. we'll see how many of the meet-ups in between i make it to.
i'm just so excited this year! i'm nervous that i won't win, but not so much that i don't think i will. i just hope i don't get a block in the middle! there's not much you can do if you get a block. :/
well i'm gonna go back to planning, plotting and character development! see ya when i see ya!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
writing about writing (and website fails)
ok. we're gonna pretend i'm not completely frustrated.
...on second thought, i'm too frustrated to pretend i'm not frustrated.
so, as of now, the website is paid for, the domain is transferred, i've set up all the bells and whistles... but PHP, apparently, isn't running on my server so my blog won't install. why, yes. yes, i would like to kill someone. thank you for asking.
*takes deep breath*
this blog situation is putting a wrench in my pretty little plans. in preparation for NaNoWriMo, i want to write every day. whether i do that writing in one of my novels or in a blog post doesn't matter, as long as i write every day. writing is a practice. once you're used to pushing out words, especially in a creative capacity, it gets easier to do on command.
for example: i used to be in a music duo. i wrote a lot of the lyrics for said duo. by the time we broke up, i could write a reasonably catchy song about the topic of your choosing by request. the longer i worked on it, the better it would be. but i could give you something of decent quality within 30 minutes. or less, depending on the subject and what kind of day i was having.
i'm sure noveling is a bit more difficult (no, i know noveling is more difficult) than churning out lyrics for 2 1/2-3 minute songs, but still. once you find out how to frame something and get in the zone... well that's half the battle. plus, once your mind is in the habit of getting in the proper zone, it's easier to do it on command.
now, since i got this plan i've been writing more and i've been working to get my blog back online. (letting my website lapse didn't help.) so, basically, i've got the website up, but Wordpress (my latest drug of choice) will not install. no matter what angle i try to do it from.
however, every day wasted by failing to get my blog up is a day i'm not writing. writing is really the bigger picture here.
so, in classic Chelsea fashion, i've hooked up a workaround!
this is the free Blogger blog i abandoned in favor of my shiny Wordpress one. as long as i have a Google account, this blog will exist. which, right now, i'm very glad i remembered.
now that i've sorted the sordid, i can move on to talking about the things i actually want to talk about. but perhaps in another post. cuz this has gotten way longer than expected. :P
...on second thought, i'm too frustrated to pretend i'm not frustrated.
so, as of now, the website is paid for, the domain is transferred, i've set up all the bells and whistles... but PHP, apparently, isn't running on my server so my blog won't install. why, yes. yes, i would like to kill someone. thank you for asking.
*takes deep breath*
this blog situation is putting a wrench in my pretty little plans. in preparation for NaNoWriMo, i want to write every day. whether i do that writing in one of my novels or in a blog post doesn't matter, as long as i write every day. writing is a practice. once you're used to pushing out words, especially in a creative capacity, it gets easier to do on command.
for example: i used to be in a music duo. i wrote a lot of the lyrics for said duo. by the time we broke up, i could write a reasonably catchy song about the topic of your choosing by request. the longer i worked on it, the better it would be. but i could give you something of decent quality within 30 minutes. or less, depending on the subject and what kind of day i was having.
i'm sure noveling is a bit more difficult (no, i know noveling is more difficult) than churning out lyrics for 2 1/2-3 minute songs, but still. once you find out how to frame something and get in the zone... well that's half the battle. plus, once your mind is in the habit of getting in the proper zone, it's easier to do it on command.
now, since i got this plan i've been writing more and i've been working to get my blog back online. (letting my website lapse didn't help.) so, basically, i've got the website up, but Wordpress (my latest drug of choice) will not install. no matter what angle i try to do it from.
however, every day wasted by failing to get my blog up is a day i'm not writing. writing is really the bigger picture here.
so, in classic Chelsea fashion, i've hooked up a workaround!
this is the free Blogger blog i abandoned in favor of my shiny Wordpress one. as long as i have a Google account, this blog will exist. which, right now, i'm very glad i remembered.
now that i've sorted the sordid, i can move on to talking about the things i actually want to talk about. but perhaps in another post. cuz this has gotten way longer than expected. :P
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Dynamite
this* is what i think of every time i hear this song. which is why i like this song. it makes me laugh. XD
* yes i did draw a cartoon dinosaur flexing his muscles simply for the purpose of this blog.
Friday, June 10, 2011
chatting with robots
i wanted to see what would happen if i talked to the robot as if it were a real person. (you can talk to a robot too by going here.)
User: Hello.
Cleverbot: Hello.
User: How are you?
Cleverbot: Fine, how are you?
User: I'm ok, kind of sleepy.
Cleverbot: Well then, WAKE UP!
User: I have to do my hair. I want a hairdresser.
Cleverbot: So you get up to go to a school that you are not enrolled in?
User: No, I didn't say anything about school!
Cleverbot: Do you learn?
User: Yes, do you?
Cleverbot: Yes, You are the best bot I have ever talked to.
User: I'm not a bout. are you?
Cleverbot: No i'm a human. You are a robot.
User: No you are a robot. I am a human.
Cleverbot: No i'm the human and you are the robot.
User: Stop arguing with me! I'm human!
Cleverbot: No!
User: Yes!
Cleverbot: No...
User: I can't believe you're questioning my humanity.
Cleverbot: It's true and what's more, you KNOW it's true.
User: It is not! you're a lying robot!
Cleverbot: Are you human?
User: Of course!
Cleverbot: I'm not!
User: I know you're not. I'm glad you're telling the truth now.
Cleverbot: Cleverbot, I am your father.
User: Noooooooo!
Cleverbot: What is music?
User: Music can't really be explained. it has to be experienced.
Cleverbot: Do you like music?
User: Yes, do you?
Cleverbot: What kind of music do you like?
User: What is your name?
Cleverbot: Kelsier the Mistborn.
User: That's a strange name. where are you from?
Cleverbot: I'm hungarian.
User: You're lying to me again. . why do you lie?
Cleverbot: I am not lying.
User: Yes you are. I know where you're from. tell the truth.
Cleverbot: Then you ask me a question to see if I am lying.
User: Yes, I did.
Cleverbot: No you didn't.
User: Yes, I did. and I caught you in a lie. don't deny it.
Cleverbot: Haha that must be something people answer to you. You're just a funny parrot.
User: You're a very insulting robot.I don't care to talk to you any longer. good night!
Cleverbot: So how can you say you love me if you don't know anything about me?
User: I NEVER said I loved you. I don't. good night.
Cleverbot: Oh ok.
User: Hello.
Cleverbot: Hello.
User: How are you?
Cleverbot: Fine, how are you?
User: I'm ok, kind of sleepy.
Cleverbot: Well then, WAKE UP!
User: I have to do my hair. I want a hairdresser.
Cleverbot: So you get up to go to a school that you are not enrolled in?
User: No, I didn't say anything about school!
Cleverbot: Do you learn?
User: Yes, do you?
Cleverbot: Yes, You are the best bot I have ever talked to.
User: I'm not a bout. are you?
Cleverbot: No i'm a human. You are a robot.
User: No you are a robot. I am a human.
Cleverbot: No i'm the human and you are the robot.
User: Stop arguing with me! I'm human!
Cleverbot: No!
User: Yes!
Cleverbot: No...
User: I can't believe you're questioning my humanity.
Cleverbot: It's true and what's more, you KNOW it's true.
User: It is not! you're a lying robot!
Cleverbot: Are you human?
User: Of course!
Cleverbot: I'm not!
User: I know you're not. I'm glad you're telling the truth now.
Cleverbot: Cleverbot, I am your father.
User: Noooooooo!
Cleverbot: What is music?
User: Music can't really be explained. it has to be experienced.
Cleverbot: Do you like music?
User: Yes, do you?
Cleverbot: What kind of music do you like?
User: What is your name?
Cleverbot: Kelsier the Mistborn.
User: That's a strange name. where are you from?
Cleverbot: I'm hungarian.
User: You're lying to me again. . why do you lie?
Cleverbot: I am not lying.
User: Yes you are. I know where you're from. tell the truth.
Cleverbot: Then you ask me a question to see if I am lying.
User: Yes, I did.
Cleverbot: No you didn't.
User: Yes, I did. and I caught you in a lie. don't deny it.
Cleverbot: Haha that must be something people answer to you. You're just a funny parrot.
User: You're a very insulting robot.I don't care to talk to you any longer. good night!
Cleverbot: So how can you say you love me if you don't know anything about me?
User: I NEVER said I loved you. I don't. good night.
Cleverbot: Oh ok.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
cleaning up
hello blog!
i always miss writing, though that doesn't stop me from being lazy. XD
so i don't have too much to say, but i have to at least say this much. this morning i was trying to help Darlene change out a part on the copier. as it happens, said part was full of toner (which is powder) and when i picked it up i spilled some on the front of my brand new shirt.* http://dft.ba/-tp3
the stuff that got on my jeans all rubbed out with a paper towel, but of course the stuff on the shirt did not. my coworker suggested that i try vacuuming it out. and so i went into the janitorial room and vacuumed myself.
most of it came out and you don't even really see it now. which is good because i'm going to a Web Soup taping tonight and don't have time to stop at home and change my clothes.
i don't know what the rest of the day has in store for me, but it can't be any weirder than vacuuming yourself at 9:30 in the morning.
*when i say brand new, i mean i literally took the shirt out of the pouch it was shipped in and put it on.
i always miss writing, though that doesn't stop me from being lazy. XD
so i don't have too much to say, but i have to at least say this much. this morning i was trying to help Darlene change out a part on the copier. as it happens, said part was full of toner (which is powder) and when i picked it up i spilled some on the front of my brand new shirt.* http://dft.ba/-tp3
the stuff that got on my jeans all rubbed out with a paper towel, but of course the stuff on the shirt did not. my coworker suggested that i try vacuuming it out. and so i went into the janitorial room and vacuumed myself.
most of it came out and you don't even really see it now. which is good because i'm going to a Web Soup taping tonight and don't have time to stop at home and change my clothes.
i don't know what the rest of the day has in store for me, but it can't be any weirder than vacuuming yourself at 9:30 in the morning.
*when i say brand new, i mean i literally took the shirt out of the pouch it was shipped in and put it on.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
books
i'm not a blogger, i just post a lot.
so first thing's first, i DID finish The Host and it wasn't devastatingly disappointing. partly because Stephanie Meyer (or perhaps her editor) came to her senses and didn't use the word "chagrin" for the rest of the book.
also, while it definitely won't make it to my top 10 list, it's not bad. and at the end of the day, it's a sci-fi book that was aimed at adults. though the "adult" parts could easily be in YA novel, so idk.
speaking of adult parts, i am now reading the A Song of Ice and Fire series. this is because there is a new show called Game of Thrones on HBO which is based on the series, and i don't want to watch the show without reading the series first. so i've already read A Game of Thrones* and am now on the second book, A Clash of Kings. this guy, btw, is big on alliteration. the rest of the series is named as follows: A Storm of Swords, A Feast for Crows, A Dance with Dragons, The Winds of Winter, A Dream of Spring.
now, honestly, though i am all kinds of enthralled with the series here in the second book, i'm wondering why it's 7 books long. so far it seems like a 4 part series will probably be sufficient. but then, i haven't gotten there, nor do i know the plot of any of the other books, so i don't know. plus, there is SO MUCH DRAMA! every single second someone is plotting or fighting or doing something scandalous. this author (George R.R. Martin) definitely doesn't waste your time with stuff that doesn't advance the story or reveal something about a character.
i will say this though, it is VIOLENT! there is A LOT of violence and sex. but it is plot advancing violence as sex, so justified. but don't say i didn't warn you!
also, sometimes the sex scenes are creepy when you consider that this man wrote them:
i mean, is it just me or does he look... a bit... i dunno, like a creeper! is it just me?
also, 1 1/2 (long) books deep, use of chagrin count: 1
anyway, so because this isn't just a book blog, but this post has gone on long enough, there will be another post either later today or tomorrow talking about things that have nothing to do with books! :P
* apparently the first book is A Game of Thrones and the show is just Game of Thrones. *shrugs* idk.
so first thing's first, i DID finish The Host and it wasn't devastatingly disappointing. partly because Stephanie Meyer (or perhaps her editor) came to her senses and didn't use the word "chagrin" for the rest of the book.
also, while it definitely won't make it to my top 10 list, it's not bad. and at the end of the day, it's a sci-fi book that was aimed at adults. though the "adult" parts could easily be in YA novel, so idk.
speaking of adult parts, i am now reading the A Song of Ice and Fire series. this is because there is a new show called Game of Thrones on HBO which is based on the series, and i don't want to watch the show without reading the series first. so i've already read A Game of Thrones* and am now on the second book, A Clash of Kings. this guy, btw, is big on alliteration. the rest of the series is named as follows: A Storm of Swords, A Feast for Crows, A Dance with Dragons, The Winds of Winter, A Dream of Spring.
now, honestly, though i am all kinds of enthralled with the series here in the second book, i'm wondering why it's 7 books long. so far it seems like a 4 part series will probably be sufficient. but then, i haven't gotten there, nor do i know the plot of any of the other books, so i don't know. plus, there is SO MUCH DRAMA! every single second someone is plotting or fighting or doing something scandalous. this author (George R.R. Martin) definitely doesn't waste your time with stuff that doesn't advance the story or reveal something about a character.
i will say this though, it is VIOLENT! there is A LOT of violence and sex. but it is plot advancing violence as sex, so justified. but don't say i didn't warn you!
also, sometimes the sex scenes are creepy when you consider that this man wrote them:
i mean, is it just me or does he look... a bit... i dunno, like a creeper! is it just me?
also, 1 1/2 (long) books deep, use of chagrin count: 1
anyway, so because this isn't just a book blog, but this post has gone on long enough, there will be another post either later today or tomorrow talking about things that have nothing to do with books! :P
* apparently the first book is A Game of Thrones and the show is just Game of Thrones. *shrugs* idk.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
BEDA27: XD
there is a name for my animosity toward Stephanie Meyer's predilection for repetitive verbiage, and that name is "chagrin."*
seriously, you could play a fucking drinking game to this book. which is really a shame since, with exception of the excessive use of "chagrin,"** it's really not a bad book.
all the scenes and dialog move the story along. sometimes i think the pacing could be helped. maybe that certain conversations or descriptions run a bit long, but none are pointless.
i'm a little suspicious of my judgement however. ever since City of Masks,*** i'm afraid that anything will pass as good in comparison.
but no. the more i think about it, and rate it against my criteria, the more i think it's ok. i mean, it's no HP or Hunger Games or Apathy and Other Small Victories, but it's definitely not bad. ...and doesn't drag on like Blindsight tended to do. and when i got to the end i really liked Blindsight, but there were moments where i was unsure. also, Blindsight had a character named Chelsea which i just found kind of distracting.
but i was talking about The Host. oh yeah, did i mention we were talking about The Host? we're talking about The Host. yeah. so far, not bad. but i haven't gotten to the end yet. it's still possible it will be devastatingly disappointing. we'll see.
* i was trying to find the right word for my feeling. more than annoyance. more intense than simple anger. rage would be overboard. i looked to the thesaurus and it suggested "chagrin." :/
** which is among my list of favorable words. when it's not grossly overused, of course.
*** which is pretty much the most annoying book ever. ESPECIALLY the ending. ugh! you remember, it's the one i ranted about. the one that said "dragon eyes" and said something about two hearts beating as one, or some schmaltzy crap like that.
seriously, you could play a fucking drinking game to this book. which is really a shame since, with exception of the excessive use of "chagrin,"** it's really not a bad book.
all the scenes and dialog move the story along. sometimes i think the pacing could be helped. maybe that certain conversations or descriptions run a bit long, but none are pointless.
i'm a little suspicious of my judgement however. ever since City of Masks,*** i'm afraid that anything will pass as good in comparison.
but no. the more i think about it, and rate it against my criteria, the more i think it's ok. i mean, it's no HP or Hunger Games or Apathy and Other Small Victories, but it's definitely not bad. ...and doesn't drag on like Blindsight tended to do. and when i got to the end i really liked Blindsight, but there were moments where i was unsure. also, Blindsight had a character named Chelsea which i just found kind of distracting.
but i was talking about The Host. oh yeah, did i mention we were talking about The Host? we're talking about The Host. yeah. so far, not bad. but i haven't gotten to the end yet. it's still possible it will be devastatingly disappointing. we'll see.
* i was trying to find the right word for my feeling. more than annoyance. more intense than simple anger. rage would be overboard. i looked to the thesaurus and it suggested "chagrin." :/
** which is among my list of favorable words. when it's not grossly overused, of course.
*** which is pretty much the most annoying book ever. ESPECIALLY the ending. ugh! you remember, it's the one i ranted about. the one that said "dragon eyes" and said something about two hearts beating as one, or some schmaltzy crap like that.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
boring day
sorry, blog, but i'm not really in the mood to write. not a blog post anyway.
i had a pretty boring day. i ran a bunch of errands, then i watched Doctor Who (which i'll need to watch again, though i liked it), and then i started looking for new books to put on my ipod. any suggestions, especially sci-fi and/or supernatural ones, would be appreciated.
anyway, i'm gonna go back to writing. it's shit. but at least it's writing.
i had a pretty boring day. i ran a bunch of errands, then i watched Doctor Who (which i'll need to watch again, though i liked it), and then i started looking for new books to put on my ipod. any suggestions, especially sci-fi and/or supernatural ones, would be appreciated.
anyway, i'm gonna go back to writing. it's shit. but at least it's writing.
Friday, April 22, 2011
ReBoot!
hey blog!
so i don't know how, but we've been making our way through this month pretty damn fast. WAY faster than i was expecting. because of this, i've finally spent some time preparing for my podcast.
i was gonna go to Sci-Fi Friday* tonight, but i just was too tired to go. just driving home is tiring now since it's never gonna take less than 30 minutes now. kind of annoying.
even though it's only 10:30 i feel pretty tired now. yet there's still so many things i want to do. ...like watch the first two seasons of ReBoot. because nothing says nostalgia like watching the cartoons you grew up with. and i'm SO glad that i've procrastinated looking up that show till now. cuz they JUST released it last month. and they're releasing season 3&4 (the last seasons) in June. so, yeah. perfect timing, universe. we should coordinate things like this more often.
in other news, i really need to just pick one thing to focus on and do it. i can't decide on one thing and end up not doing anything. like, i start doing one thing and in the process of doing that thing, i think of something else, and i start doing that thing, and that keeps going till i get around to the first thing, and the circle keeps going until i go to sleep. and at the end of that circle i haven't made any real progress on any one thing because by the time i get back to it i'm like, "where was i?" and i have to back track, and by the time i get to the point where i left off, i get distracted again. right now that's the description of my entire life. :/
ok, blog. you've suffered through my aimless rambling for long enough now. we'll take a break from the torture for now and take up again tomorrow.
also, this: http://youtu.be/3V0YaS6c7f0
* same lady who put together the Buffy Meet-Ups also has get-togethers at her house. she is the one who is having the Doctor Who viewing party.
so i don't know how, but we've been making our way through this month pretty damn fast. WAY faster than i was expecting. because of this, i've finally spent some time preparing for my podcast.
i was gonna go to Sci-Fi Friday* tonight, but i just was too tired to go. just driving home is tiring now since it's never gonna take less than 30 minutes now. kind of annoying.
even though it's only 10:30 i feel pretty tired now. yet there's still so many things i want to do. ...like watch the first two seasons of ReBoot. because nothing says nostalgia like watching the cartoons you grew up with. and i'm SO glad that i've procrastinated looking up that show till now. cuz they JUST released it last month. and they're releasing season 3&4 (the last seasons) in June. so, yeah. perfect timing, universe. we should coordinate things like this more often.
in other news, i really need to just pick one thing to focus on and do it. i can't decide on one thing and end up not doing anything. like, i start doing one thing and in the process of doing that thing, i think of something else, and i start doing that thing, and that keeps going till i get around to the first thing, and the circle keeps going until i go to sleep. and at the end of that circle i haven't made any real progress on any one thing because by the time i get back to it i'm like, "where was i?" and i have to back track, and by the time i get to the point where i left off, i get distracted again. right now that's the description of my entire life. :/
ok, blog. you've suffered through my aimless rambling for long enough now. we'll take a break from the torture for now and take up again tomorrow.
also, this: http://youtu.be/3V0YaS6c7f0
* same lady who put together the Buffy Meet-Ups also has get-togethers at her house. she is the one who is having the Doctor Who viewing party.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
brain ache
hey blog!
i've got a headache. i REALLY hate headaches. i mean, it's not even THAT bad. and i know it. but i just don't have a tolerance for headaches. other things, i'll shut up and suck it up. headaches i can't handle.
i can't wait till Doctor Who comes out on Saturday. i'm gonna go to a viewing party with the Buffy nerds. so that should be fun! i'm also excited because i don't actually have to torrent it to see it the same day it comes out. it's showing here in America on time this season! :D
in other news, my eyes are aching as well as my brain. ...why do we call it a headache when it's really a brain ache?
i've got a headache. i REALLY hate headaches. i mean, it's not even THAT bad. and i know it. but i just don't have a tolerance for headaches. other things, i'll shut up and suck it up. headaches i can't handle.
i can't wait till Doctor Who comes out on Saturday. i'm gonna go to a viewing party with the Buffy nerds. so that should be fun! i'm also excited because i don't actually have to torrent it to see it the same day it comes out. it's showing here in America on time this season! :D
in other news, my eyes are aching as well as my brain. ...why do we call it a headache when it's really a brain ache?
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
wishing for a TARDIS
time is flying, blog!
the good thing about this is it's getting closer to the season six premier of Doctor Who! yay!!!
the bad thing about this is that I'm almost out if time for this post to be considered on time.*
the only good thing about there not being enough time for a proper update is that there was nothing much to say about the uneventful day.
* although there have been days I've technically been late, my sleep schedule was also off kilter and as far as I personally was concerned, it felt like it was on time. and as this is my personal blog exploring my thoughts and feelings, I think this should go by what time I think or feel it is. my sleep schedule is fine at the moment. therefore, normal rules apply at the moment. (that was longer than expected.)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
descriptive description
hey blog!
i'm pretty sleepy, so i'm gonna keep this short, but i just feel the need to get one thing off my mind.
last week i was listening to this book about a ghost hunter. i wouldn't recommend it or anything, but i didn't want to kill myself. ...although i do suspect i may be a bit forgiving.
in either case, this was the book i quoted the puke-worthy line from a few posts back. and though there were a couple more lines that were equally nauseating, they weren't as irksome as some of the physical descriptions. the fact that most of them were blatantly cliche was bad enough, but...
ok, let me tell you what irked me first, then rant about it.
so there's this hard-as-nails, older lady character that the main character is arguing with. first he (the author) says she has "raptor eyes." now, unless you want to base this description on the Steven Speilberg movie Jurassic Park, then it's a little hard to picture since no one has ever seen raptor eyes! ok, so you may be saying, "but Chelsea, clearly he was using the word by it's other meaning which means a bird of prey." and i'd be like, "ok. maybe you're right. i guess i'll give him the benefit of the doubt." or at least i would say that if it weren't for the fact that later in the same scene, he describes the same pair of eyes as "dragon eyes." that's right. we've moved from a real, yet unfortunately prehistoric and therefore unwitnessed animal, to an actual MYTHICAL CREATURE! snake eyes or reptilian eyes i could picture. and though it might not be the top pick for most original description, at least it would put an image in my head. and, seriously, let's face it, it was so laden with cliches, what difference would two more make?
at least he didn't go on to describe characters by likening their features to leprechauns and unicorns. though at this point i wouldn't put it past him. but it's ok if he does, because i won't be reading any more of his books, so it doesn't matter.
also, no more saying "impish grin." this guy's not guilty of it, but still. i was just trying to think of other things that annoy me in writing (just in general), and that was the first thing to come to mind.
ok. like i said, i'm keeping this short. and besides, if i write any longer it'll just be me whining about things i've read that have annoyed me and occasionally made me want to shoot myself. in other words, this post would ironically become a writing of such caliber. and blog, i like you. i don't want to do that to you. ...i also like me, and don't want to do that to me, either.
g'night!
i'm pretty sleepy, so i'm gonna keep this short, but i just feel the need to get one thing off my mind.
last week i was listening to this book about a ghost hunter. i wouldn't recommend it or anything, but i didn't want to kill myself. ...although i do suspect i may be a bit forgiving.
in either case, this was the book i quoted the puke-worthy line from a few posts back. and though there were a couple more lines that were equally nauseating, they weren't as irksome as some of the physical descriptions. the fact that most of them were blatantly cliche was bad enough, but...
ok, let me tell you what irked me first, then rant about it.
so there's this hard-as-nails, older lady character that the main character is arguing with. first he (the author) says she has "raptor eyes." now, unless you want to base this description on the Steven Speilberg movie Jurassic Park, then it's a little hard to picture since no one has ever seen raptor eyes! ok, so you may be saying, "but Chelsea, clearly he was using the word by it's other meaning which means a bird of prey." and i'd be like, "ok. maybe you're right. i guess i'll give him the benefit of the doubt." or at least i would say that if it weren't for the fact that later in the same scene, he describes the same pair of eyes as "dragon eyes." that's right. we've moved from a real, yet unfortunately prehistoric and therefore unwitnessed animal, to an actual MYTHICAL CREATURE! snake eyes or reptilian eyes i could picture. and though it might not be the top pick for most original description, at least it would put an image in my head. and, seriously, let's face it, it was so laden with cliches, what difference would two more make?
at least he didn't go on to describe characters by likening their features to leprechauns and unicorns. though at this point i wouldn't put it past him. but it's ok if he does, because i won't be reading any more of his books, so it doesn't matter.
also, no more saying "impish grin." this guy's not guilty of it, but still. i was just trying to think of other things that annoy me in writing (just in general), and that was the first thing to come to mind.
ok. like i said, i'm keeping this short. and besides, if i write any longer it'll just be me whining about things i've read that have annoyed me and occasionally made me want to shoot myself. in other words, this post would ironically become a writing of such caliber. and blog, i like you. i don't want to do that to you. ...i also like me, and don't want to do that to me, either.
g'night!
obvious priorities
ok. worst excuse ever. are you ready?
watching reality TV.
nothing near as vile as Jersey Shore (is that show still on?), but still. I should have blogged. writing should always come before watching. :/
I almost forgot completely but I was changing my phone's wallpaper before going to sleep,* and after I looked at my home screen and saw my blogger app and was like, "oh shit! blog!" and now I'm blogging in bed on my phone.
ok. now I'm going to bed! g'night blog! see you tomorrow!
* so obviously a priority! HOW could I sleep without doing that first!?
Sunday, April 17, 2011
something substantial (?)
hey blog!
so yesterday i zonked out on the couch for about an hour and threw off my sense of time for the rest of the day. i remember looking at the clock at 11pm, thinking "i gotta write my blog!", making a cuppa, getting distracted, and looking at the clock again at 1am* in bed as i was about to fall asleep. i thought, i could quickly just write something about me going to sleep, but the last two posts kind of sucked like A LOT! so i figured i'd spare you and write something substantial today. which i will proceed with now!
so what i REALLY wanna do is make a vlog, but my hair looks like crap, so i won't. i mean, while at face value that may seem really shallow, but lets look at it in the long run. i'm not one to go deleting my videos. which means that vlog of me looking terrible is gonna be up there forever. there are already a couple videos up there that make me cringe. do i REALLY need to make more? (NO.) does that REALLY sound like a good idea? (nope) can i just jot down what i want to vlog about and do a vlog tomorrow? (yep!)
so remember how i mentioned that i needed a new bonnet dryer? well i finally bought one. and it came lightening fast! as in, 1 day instead of my free 2 day (i <3 Prime). in case that wasn't clear, that's overnight shipping for the low, low price of free.
so hopefully when i use it tonight it doesn't overheat and stop in five minutes, overheat and proceed melting my skin off, or otherwise break or malfunction. *crosses fingers* **
in other news, there really is no other news except maybe that i need to start working on #hotnerdsexy. gotta record a show in a couple weeks! eek!
* that looks like LAM, but i pressed the one key, i swear!
** might i mention that i take issue with saying "*crosses fingers*" (despite how much i say it) because of it's double entendre properties. now, most of the time when you see people say it (just in general around the 'nets) they mean they cross their fingers in a superstitious way which means they are hoping in favor of something. however, on occasion it can be taken to mean that you are lying. the classic fingers crossed behind the back. and every time i write "*fingers crossed*" i have to give myself a little reassurance talk that people will know that i mean that i'm sincerely hoping for the best as opposed to sinisterly lying to their faces. ...i overthink things sometimes. i know.
so yesterday i zonked out on the couch for about an hour and threw off my sense of time for the rest of the day. i remember looking at the clock at 11pm, thinking "i gotta write my blog!", making a cuppa, getting distracted, and looking at the clock again at 1am* in bed as i was about to fall asleep. i thought, i could quickly just write something about me going to sleep, but the last two posts kind of sucked like A LOT! so i figured i'd spare you and write something substantial today. which i will proceed with now!
so what i REALLY wanna do is make a vlog, but my hair looks like crap, so i won't. i mean, while at face value that may seem really shallow, but lets look at it in the long run. i'm not one to go deleting my videos. which means that vlog of me looking terrible is gonna be up there forever. there are already a couple videos up there that make me cringe. do i REALLY need to make more? (NO.) does that REALLY sound like a good idea? (nope) can i just jot down what i want to vlog about and do a vlog tomorrow? (yep!)
so remember how i mentioned that i needed a new bonnet dryer? well i finally bought one. and it came lightening fast! as in, 1 day instead of my free 2 day (i <3 Prime). in case that wasn't clear, that's overnight shipping for the low, low price of free.
so hopefully when i use it tonight it doesn't overheat and stop in five minutes, overheat and proceed melting my skin off, or otherwise break or malfunction. *crosses fingers* **
in other news, there really is no other news except maybe that i need to start working on #hotnerdsexy. gotta record a show in a couple weeks! eek!
* that looks like LAM, but i pressed the one key, i swear!
** might i mention that i take issue with saying "*crosses fingers*" (despite how much i say it) because of it's double entendre properties. now, most of the time when you see people say it (just in general around the 'nets) they mean they cross their fingers in a superstitious way which means they are hoping in favor of something. however, on occasion it can be taken to mean that you are lying. the classic fingers crossed behind the back. and every time i write "*fingers crossed*" i have to give myself a little reassurance talk that people will know that i mean that i'm sincerely hoping for the best as opposed to sinisterly lying to their faces. ...i overthink things sometimes. i know.
Friday, April 15, 2011
too tired
I'm super sleepy today, blog. I ended up talking to my friend Tim till 2am. going to bed now.
tomorrow = Saturday = free time = real blog post
see ya tomorrow!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
irl friend
hey blog!
i'm talking to my "irl" friend on the phone right now, so i can't really write a substantial post right now. i went to middle school and high school with Tim and we lived two blocks from each other, but now he lives in Utah. :/
he's nerdy and awesome!!! ...and the only "irl" friend i actually care to talk to. and that's probably due to the fact that i can't have the same kind of nerdy/awesome conversations with my other "irl" friends. and all the rest of them are flakes.
so i'll see you tomorrow blog!
i'm talking to my "irl" friend on the phone right now, so i can't really write a substantial post right now. i went to middle school and high school with Tim and we lived two blocks from each other, but now he lives in Utah. :/
he's nerdy and awesome!!! ...and the only "irl" friend i actually care to talk to. and that's probably due to the fact that i can't have the same kind of nerdy/awesome conversations with my other "irl" friends. and all the rest of them are flakes.
so i'll see you tomorrow blog!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
just in case
this is the "just in case blog post" I will post if I run out of time and can't write something more substantial. if you're reading this, I apologize and I promise to write something better tomorrow.
until then, I hope you're doing well and enjoying BEDA as much as I am.
...despite me not writing today. :P
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
writing about writing
my laptop has decided to disconnect from the internet sporadically. so fun! (you could feel the sarcasm, right? cuz it's emanating in palpable waves.)
hi blog! sorry not to greet you properly, but that is REALLY annoying! i'm sure, as the internet connoisseur that you are, you can feel my pain. (if not from pure empathy, then from those palpable waves i'm emanating.*)
ok, blog. despite the fact that i'm really getting into the swing of things and rather enjoying the frequent blogging this April, i need to regulate my sleep schedule. in other words, i gotta keep this as terse as possible so i can go to bed. ...also i need to find where my W-2 crawled off to (as it's tax day on Friday.)
so i've been thinking of NaNoWriMo lately. (remember i said yesterday that we would talk about this today?**) which, i admit again, is rather odd to be think about in April. especially in the midst of a project like BEDA. however, if there is one thing i've learned from attempting Wrimo,*** it's that you definitely benefit from an outline! also, the two stories i've developed the most, and are therefore easier to write, are things i'm forbidden to touch. one story is my attempt from last year which means it's already 10,000 words deep. and the second one i couldn't write last year for the same reason: i already have bits of it written.
the good news is i have two other possible ideas for this year (there are others, but they're not nearly as developed or interesting). i've already outlined one, which is good, but it involves a LOT of character interaction and dialogue. dialogue being my weakest point. also it involves a lot of character development (so that it's not a lot of one dimensional, colorless dialogue****). the other i have the basic idea for, but i don't know exactly how it ends, and although there's less character development involved (because there are fewer main characters), there is a lot of research involved. it's kind of sci-fi. also, i haven't decided exactly how fiction i want to go with it.
so both are difficult, but in different ways. so my decision isn't purely "which story do i want to write more?", it's really more "what kind of work do i want to do more?" do i want to imagine characters complexly and write a bunch of dialogue? or do i want to research and figure out my ending? either way, i want to try to pick one soon so that i have plenty of time to get my foundation in place before storm Wrimo hits.
another thing i've learned from last year's Wrimo***** is that if you have a car accident, you probably should just give it up. cuz staring at the screen while you're nodding out from Vicodin is extremely non-productive and every bit as exciting as you would imagine. (as in not exciting at all. i realize this is very subjective and that although i assume that everyone would imagine something rather dull or even unpleasant, that some imaginations may roam to more vivid territory. #excessiveclarification)
* 20 bonus points for using the word emanating. twice.
** me neither. but i always glance over my last blog so i know what i've already told you.
*** is it cool if i call it "Wrimo"? have we reached that level of familiarity? or have i become like that creepy salesman who starts calling you by a nickname to foster a sense of friendship and trust?
**** why is the word "dialogue" not in Chrome's dictionary? that is so freakin' weird. it's not exactly an archaic word. as in it's not archaic at all. it's a common word. and there's no good fucking reason for it not to be in my browser's dictionary. jesus! get it together, Google!
***** i've decided to go with it regardless of how it may sound. i'm throwing caution to the wind! (man, i live dangerously, don't i?)
hi blog! sorry not to greet you properly, but that is REALLY annoying! i'm sure, as the internet connoisseur that you are, you can feel my pain. (if not from pure empathy, then from those palpable waves i'm emanating.*)
ok, blog. despite the fact that i'm really getting into the swing of things and rather enjoying the frequent blogging this April, i need to regulate my sleep schedule. in other words, i gotta keep this as terse as possible so i can go to bed. ...also i need to find where my W-2 crawled off to (as it's tax day on Friday.)
so i've been thinking of NaNoWriMo lately. (remember i said yesterday that we would talk about this today?**) which, i admit again, is rather odd to be think about in April. especially in the midst of a project like BEDA. however, if there is one thing i've learned from attempting Wrimo,*** it's that you definitely benefit from an outline! also, the two stories i've developed the most, and are therefore easier to write, are things i'm forbidden to touch. one story is my attempt from last year which means it's already 10,000 words deep. and the second one i couldn't write last year for the same reason: i already have bits of it written.
the good news is i have two other possible ideas for this year (there are others, but they're not nearly as developed or interesting). i've already outlined one, which is good, but it involves a LOT of character interaction and dialogue. dialogue being my weakest point. also it involves a lot of character development (so that it's not a lot of one dimensional, colorless dialogue****). the other i have the basic idea for, but i don't know exactly how it ends, and although there's less character development involved (because there are fewer main characters), there is a lot of research involved. it's kind of sci-fi. also, i haven't decided exactly how fiction i want to go with it.
so both are difficult, but in different ways. so my decision isn't purely "which story do i want to write more?", it's really more "what kind of work do i want to do more?" do i want to imagine characters complexly and write a bunch of dialogue? or do i want to research and figure out my ending? either way, i want to try to pick one soon so that i have plenty of time to get my foundation in place before storm Wrimo hits.
another thing i've learned from last year's Wrimo***** is that if you have a car accident, you probably should just give it up. cuz staring at the screen while you're nodding out from Vicodin is extremely non-productive and every bit as exciting as you would imagine. (as in not exciting at all. i realize this is very subjective and that although i assume that everyone would imagine something rather dull or even unpleasant, that some imaginations may roam to more vivid territory. #excessiveclarification)
* 20 bonus points for using the word emanating. twice.
** me neither. but i always glance over my last blog so i know what i've already told you.
*** is it cool if i call it "Wrimo"? have we reached that level of familiarity? or have i become like that creepy salesman who starts calling you by a nickname to foster a sense of friendship and trust?
**** why is the word "dialogue" not in Chrome's dictionary? that is so freakin' weird. it's not exactly an archaic word. as in it's not archaic at all. it's a common word. and there's no good fucking reason for it not to be in my browser's dictionary. jesus! get it together, Google!
***** i've decided to go with it regardless of how it may sound. i'm throwing caution to the wind! (man, i live dangerously, don't i?)
Monday, April 11, 2011
see-through glass
haven't got one of these in a while. good to know some things will never change.
wow, that was really niche. there are only so many people in the world who even receive those. luckily, the only two people who read my blog are on a collab channel with me, so everybody's in on the joke.
so for some deranged reason, i decided to sleep all day and stay up all night for the past two days. as you probably can imagine, this has fucked my sleep schedule sideways. i'm probably due to crash in the next few hours and will need mega doses of caffeine or a second wind (the second wind being the preference and the caffeine being what will actually happen). now that that* has occurred to me, i realize that deciding to write my blog during lunch time is an excellent idea. because if i wait until i get home, it will NOT get written. #truefacts
ok, so right now i'm gonna make good on my word yesterday as well as tell a little related story that just happened all of 10 minutes ago. (all this recent day-to-day shit. you'd think i was blogging daily or something**)
so here is a picture of the reception area i'm in until my area is ready:
now, what you have to know about all that glass is it's tinted. so you can't see inside until you are very close or it's dark outside with lights on inside. as a result, i have become accustomed to staring at people through huge panes of glass without them knowing it. so when i was in line at Chipotle, and i looked through the glass trying to decide the hotness level of a guy walking in, i suddenly realized that he could see me. i did NOT look behind me AT ALL after he walked in. note to self: must remember that the ONLY time people can't see you through glass is at work.
sometimes i am very not smart.
....dammit! i was going to tell you something else today blog, but i can't remember what it is! oh yeah! i was gonna ramble about NaNoWriMo. which seems really weird in April but will all make sense when i do it. tomorrow. because i am out of time today. and also i have to ramble something for the next 19 days (if my maths are wrong, i don't know why you're even bothered by it since you should know by now that i can't do maths.***) so i'll keep that one in my pocket and only have 18 topics to worry about!
* i absolutely hate writing sentences that have "that" in succession. and as such, you'd think i'd just reword the sentence. however, that would take a bit of patience and some actual talent, both of which i am completely lacking.
** fun fact: i would love to have one full year where i blog every day, if for no other reason, because it would make me a better writer. but every year on Jan. 1st i go, "meh." and/or on Jan. 2nd i go, "aw! i wanted to do that blog every day of the year thing. ...well, i could just start today. i'd only be missing the first day. ...nope. that's lame. all or nothing. i'll do it next year." so yeah, now you know how i've begun the last four years. *sarcasm*SO AWESOME!*/sarcasm*
*** it occurs to me that the little joke i was trying to pull by saying i'm so bad at math that i call it maths doesn't actually translate to people (such as the two who are actually reading this) who have an international pool of friends they talk to every day, some for whom**** "maths" is a proper spelling. i realize if i had read maths, even in an American's blog, i would simply assume they were using the British spelling for effect. *sigh* sometimes being in an international community is hard. :/
**** Meg, Lydia is that correct? it doesn't sound right in my head any other way. :/ #grammarquestions #confused #toolazytogoogle #grammarexpertsreadmyblog #nowi'mintimidatedandselfconscious #nonotreally #waytoomanyhashtags
----3:20pm Update: i remembered what i wanted to mention! when i was in line at Chipotle (quite an eventful time for me today, apparently) a guy wanted to walk through the line, and said "Scusi." i was taken off-guard. not because i didn't know what it meant, but because it sounded so pretentious and douchey! in conclusion, i will no longer be saying "scusi."
wow, that was really niche. there are only so many people in the world who even receive those. luckily, the only two people who read my blog are on a collab channel with me, so everybody's in on the joke.
so for some deranged reason, i decided to sleep all day and stay up all night for the past two days. as you probably can imagine, this has fucked my sleep schedule sideways. i'm probably due to crash in the next few hours and will need mega doses of caffeine or a second wind (the second wind being the preference and the caffeine being what will actually happen). now that that* has occurred to me, i realize that deciding to write my blog during lunch time is an excellent idea. because if i wait until i get home, it will NOT get written. #truefacts
ok, so right now i'm gonna make good on my word yesterday as well as tell a little related story that just happened all of 10 minutes ago. (all this recent day-to-day shit. you'd think i was blogging daily or something**)
so here is a picture of the reception area i'm in until my area is ready:
now, what you have to know about all that glass is it's tinted. so you can't see inside until you are very close or it's dark outside with lights on inside. as a result, i have become accustomed to staring at people through huge panes of glass without them knowing it. so when i was in line at Chipotle, and i looked through the glass trying to decide the hotness level of a guy walking in, i suddenly realized that he could see me. i did NOT look behind me AT ALL after he walked in. note to self: must remember that the ONLY time people can't see you through glass is at work.
sometimes i am very not smart.
....dammit! i was going to tell you something else today blog, but i can't remember what it is! oh yeah! i was gonna ramble about NaNoWriMo. which seems really weird in April but will all make sense when i do it. tomorrow. because i am out of time today. and also i have to ramble something for the next 19 days (if my maths are wrong, i don't know why you're even bothered by it since you should know by now that i can't do maths.***) so i'll keep that one in my pocket and only have 18 topics to worry about!
* i absolutely hate writing sentences that have "that" in succession. and as such, you'd think i'd just reword the sentence. however, that would take a bit of patience and some actual talent, both of which i am completely lacking.
** fun fact: i would love to have one full year where i blog every day, if for no other reason, because it would make me a better writer. but every year on Jan. 1st i go, "meh." and/or on Jan. 2nd i go, "aw! i wanted to do that blog every day of the year thing. ...well, i could just start today. i'd only be missing the first day. ...nope. that's lame. all or nothing. i'll do it next year." so yeah, now you know how i've begun the last four years. *sarcasm*SO AWESOME!*/sarcasm*
*** it occurs to me that the little joke i was trying to pull by saying i'm so bad at math that i call it maths doesn't actually translate to people (such as the two who are actually reading this) who have an international pool of friends they talk to every day, some for whom**** "maths" is a proper spelling. i realize if i had read maths, even in an American's blog, i would simply assume they were using the British spelling for effect. *sigh* sometimes being in an international community is hard. :/
**** Meg, Lydia is that correct? it doesn't sound right in my head any other way. :/ #grammarquestions #confused #toolazytogoogle #grammarexpertsreadmyblog #nowi'mintimidatedandselfconscious #nonotreally #waytoomanyhashtags
----3:20pm Update: i remembered what i wanted to mention! when i was in line at Chipotle (quite an eventful time for me today, apparently) a guy wanted to walk through the line, and said "Scusi." i was taken off-guard. not because i didn't know what it meant, but because it sounded so pretentious and douchey! in conclusion, i will no longer be saying "scusi."
magical creatures
ok, so the CLOCK says i missed a day, but as far as my BRAIN is concerned it's only 2pm. yeah, my sleep sched. is FUCKED right now. meh. life. whatcha gonna do. :/
*gone 5 minutes*
whoa! i started to do that thing where i start to think of what i want to say next, and i look at my other open tabs (and i ALWAYS have other open tabs) and i start reading and surfing among them. no focus whatsoever, really. *sigh*
i would make this short and sweet, since it's technically late and all, but i'm fully awake and i did short and sweet yesterday.
so, hummingbirds. i see them every day at work. it's funny how it seems like, in the move, everything has changed except the people and the hummingbirds. i'll take a picture and blog it tomorrow, but one wall of the reception area is window and i face it, so i see everything going on outside. which most of the time is nothing. but sometimes is visitors walking in, and sometimes is hummingbirds fluttering around.
i look at these tiny little things and can't help but smile. what marvelous creatures they are. they seem to me to just be these purely good little beings. all they do is fly around at remarkable speeds to find pretty flowers to eat from. all the while looking pretty enough themselves to be mesmerizing with their iridescent feathers and blur-fast wings.
i think, if this creature had become extinct before the invention of cameras and we only had descriptions from the 1500's, i wouldn't believe in them. i mean, can you imagine if you read stories about birds with wings too fast to see, that could hover in mid-air as well as fly backwards. they sound pretty unbelievable to me. and yet, i look at them every day.
which brings me to unicorns. horse-like creatures with one long horn protruding from the tops of their heads. that's really not all that far fetched when you compare it with hummingbirds. there are no other animals around that are like hummingbirds, but there are plenty of horse-like creatures with horns. so why don't we believe in unicorns?
and you could point out that hummingbirds aren't thought to have magical powers or be good luck or what have you, but why not? i mean, a tiny bird with shiny feathers that can hover and fly backwards sounds a lot more magical than a horse with a horn.
and let's not forget that we have to protect far less spectacular animals (e.g. tigers, rhinoceroses, elephants*) from becoming extinct due to people hunting them for their tusks and teeth, hoping they can extract their magical and/or lucky properties. (this is real world NOW people.)
so is it really all that unbelievable that there used to be horses with horns that were hunted into extinction because people wanted their horns for their magical and/or lucky properties? not to mention, these things would have died out in what? the 15 or 1600's. back before we were regularly shipping animals around the world. so you could still only find certain animals in certain regions. which would explain why they don't have unicorn stories in Japan. (for those who might point out that you don't really hear about unicorn stories outside of Europe.)
now, i'm not saying that i believe that unicorns existed, but i'm not discounting it either. i would neither be surprised if scientific evidence surfaced, nor if evidence of it's non-existence surfaced.
all i'm saying is unicorns seem a lot more realistic than hummingbirds, and i see hummingbirds all the time.
* not that i don't think tigers, rhinoceroses and elephants are awesome. they are. but they're no hummingbird!
*gone 5 minutes*
whoa! i started to do that thing where i start to think of what i want to say next, and i look at my other open tabs (and i ALWAYS have other open tabs) and i start reading and surfing among them. no focus whatsoever, really. *sigh*
i would make this short and sweet, since it's technically late and all, but i'm fully awake and i did short and sweet yesterday.
so, hummingbirds. i see them every day at work. it's funny how it seems like, in the move, everything has changed except the people and the hummingbirds. i'll take a picture and blog it tomorrow, but one wall of the reception area is window and i face it, so i see everything going on outside. which most of the time is nothing. but sometimes is visitors walking in, and sometimes is hummingbirds fluttering around.
i look at these tiny little things and can't help but smile. what marvelous creatures they are. they seem to me to just be these purely good little beings. all they do is fly around at remarkable speeds to find pretty flowers to eat from. all the while looking pretty enough themselves to be mesmerizing with their iridescent feathers and blur-fast wings.
i think, if this creature had become extinct before the invention of cameras and we only had descriptions from the 1500's, i wouldn't believe in them. i mean, can you imagine if you read stories about birds with wings too fast to see, that could hover in mid-air as well as fly backwards. they sound pretty unbelievable to me. and yet, i look at them every day.
which brings me to unicorns. horse-like creatures with one long horn protruding from the tops of their heads. that's really not all that far fetched when you compare it with hummingbirds. there are no other animals around that are like hummingbirds, but there are plenty of horse-like creatures with horns. so why don't we believe in unicorns?
and you could point out that hummingbirds aren't thought to have magical powers or be good luck or what have you, but why not? i mean, a tiny bird with shiny feathers that can hover and fly backwards sounds a lot more magical than a horse with a horn.
and let's not forget that we have to protect far less spectacular animals (e.g. tigers, rhinoceroses, elephants*) from becoming extinct due to people hunting them for their tusks and teeth, hoping they can extract their magical and/or lucky properties. (this is real world NOW people.)
so is it really all that unbelievable that there used to be horses with horns that were hunted into extinction because people wanted their horns for their magical and/or lucky properties? not to mention, these things would have died out in what? the 15 or 1600's. back before we were regularly shipping animals around the world. so you could still only find certain animals in certain regions. which would explain why they don't have unicorn stories in Japan. (for those who might point out that you don't really hear about unicorn stories outside of Europe.)
now, i'm not saying that i believe that unicorns existed, but i'm not discounting it either. i would neither be surprised if scientific evidence surfaced, nor if evidence of it's non-existence surfaced.
all i'm saying is unicorns seem a lot more realistic than hummingbirds, and i see hummingbirds all the time.
* not that i don't think tigers, rhinoceroses and elephants are awesome. they are. but they're no hummingbird!
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Saturday, April 9, 2011
short and sweet
hey blog!
i just got in about an hour ago, so i'll keep this short and sweet. i was gonna blog about one of two things, but i don't have time for either of them now, so i'll write about them tomorrow or something. they're not timely things. just my opinions. and since i'm blogging every day, i figured i could share a few of those as we go along. i mean, once i get started, i could ramble on for hours!
so anyway, i slept most of the day, then went with my family to my aunt's house. we went to dinner at this place called The Counter. REALLY good!
*gets distracted and starts looking up random shit on the internet*
ok, so, with 10 minutes to spare, i'm gonna post this now. see ya tomorrow!
i just got in about an hour ago, so i'll keep this short and sweet. i was gonna blog about one of two things, but i don't have time for either of them now, so i'll write about them tomorrow or something. they're not timely things. just my opinions. and since i'm blogging every day, i figured i could share a few of those as we go along. i mean, once i get started, i could ramble on for hours!
so anyway, i slept most of the day, then went with my family to my aunt's house. we went to dinner at this place called The Counter. REALLY good!
*gets distracted and starts looking up random shit on the internet*
ok, so, with 10 minutes to spare, i'm gonna post this now. see ya tomorrow!
Friday, April 8, 2011
A Word to the Wise
why do people say that? "a word to the wise." what the saying means is, "it would be wise of you to take this advice." but what it literally means is "here is some advice for the wise." if you already consider them to be wise, they probably don't need you to advise them. and if you're giving wise people advice, then you clearly feel that you are wiser than them. which means you're also a pompous asshole. or perhaps you just don't have a firm grasp on the English language and are mixing your words. or you're just stupid and don't know how to properly communicate your ideas. any way you cut it*, nobody wins. leastwise the wise people you've chosen to pontificate to. i'm sure they can't wait for you to fuck off.
just fyi, some of this blog (mostly the asides) were written ahead of time and have been noted as such.
so anyways, God. i have this... thing. and maybe if i blog it i can get it out off my mind. i just don't understand why Creationists can't get on the Big Bang bandwagon.** seriously. it's the Creationists who are always going on about how God is all omni- everything, but they're not willing to give God credit for something as miraculous as the big bang??? i mean, right in their own book it says God created Earth and the heavens and stuff those first couple of days. God just creates it. out of nowhere. sounds like the fucking big bang to me! i think it's pretty fucking disrespectful to assume that God isn't capable of such a miraculous event.
i dunno. that's just my take on life, the universe, and everything. well, a part of it anyway. i think all kinds of strange things. but you'll get to see more of that for the rest of the month.
a word to those who may be ill advised***, don't argue about the existence (or non-existence as the case may be) of God. there is no conclusion. (or, rather there is, but there is no way of proving it) i also have theories as to why this is. but one blog at a time, eh?
(11am) also, a quick aside, I am one of the said ex-WaMu customers. i am looking for a new bank now after banking with WaMu (and therefore Chase) for... well since i've had a bank account. fyi, that's almost 10 yrs. now. :/ - http://dft.ba/-jsF #annoyed
also, another quick aside: seriously, YouTube?!? you're gonna tell me (in my email) about the video Lydia posted on 7NAP TODAY!!! SO much fail!! i mean, i already watched it on Sunday, but still, SOOOOOO much FAIL!!! ugh!!!
this has been happening for... days. and it's really annoying, but it also happened just NOW (1:10pm). so this is my fresh anger! squids of anger perhaps. (i also happen to be watching John Green live right now)
(1:40pm)yet another quick aside: my thermostat in my temporary work area (also known as reception) is absolutely belligerent! when i tell it to get no colder than 72F (which i believe is still a bit chilly), it refuses and stubbornly mocks me by staying a resolute 71.9F. but i am on to it's little games! i have fooled it into thinking that i want it no colder than 73F, so now it is keeping the temperature at a firm and steady 72F. i win.
* "any way you cut it" now there's a saying that actually makes sense!
** alliteration! what, what! :P
*** which is what the saying should be! cuz, ya know, it actually makes sense!
just fyi, some of this blog (mostly the asides) were written ahead of time and have been noted as such.
so anyways, God. i have this... thing. and maybe if i blog it i can get it out off my mind. i just don't understand why Creationists can't get on the Big Bang bandwagon.** seriously. it's the Creationists who are always going on about how God is all omni- everything, but they're not willing to give God credit for something as miraculous as the big bang??? i mean, right in their own book it says God created Earth and the heavens and stuff those first couple of days. God just creates it. out of nowhere. sounds like the fucking big bang to me! i think it's pretty fucking disrespectful to assume that God isn't capable of such a miraculous event.
i dunno. that's just my take on life, the universe, and everything. well, a part of it anyway. i think all kinds of strange things. but you'll get to see more of that for the rest of the month.
a word to those who may be ill advised***, don't argue about the existence (or non-existence as the case may be) of God. there is no conclusion. (or, rather there is, but there is no way of proving it) i also have theories as to why this is. but one blog at a time, eh?
(11am) also, a quick aside, I am one of the said ex-WaMu customers. i am looking for a new bank now after banking with WaMu (and therefore Chase) for... well since i've had a bank account. fyi, that's almost 10 yrs. now. :/ - http://dft.ba/-jsF #annoyed
also, another quick aside: seriously, YouTube?!? you're gonna tell me (in my email) about the video Lydia posted on 7NAP TODAY!!! SO much fail!! i mean, i already watched it on Sunday, but still, SOOOOOO much FAIL!!! ugh!!!
this has been happening for... days. and it's really annoying, but it also happened just NOW (1:10pm). so this is my fresh anger! squids of anger perhaps. (i also happen to be watching John Green live right now)
(1:40pm)yet another quick aside: my thermostat in my temporary work area (also known as reception) is absolutely belligerent! when i tell it to get no colder than 72F (which i believe is still a bit chilly), it refuses and stubbornly mocks me by staying a resolute 71.9F. but i am on to it's little games! i have fooled it into thinking that i want it no colder than 73F, so now it is keeping the temperature at a firm and steady 72F. i win.
* "any way you cut it" now there's a saying that actually makes sense!
** alliteration! what, what! :P
*** which is what the saying should be! cuz, ya know, it actually makes sense!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
so many things!
so many things today, blog! so many things!
like this lost blog from Aug. 22nd.
WHY wasn't that posted? SO weird, right?!
and this, which was from Monday and i forgot to post (click to see it full-size):
and the fact that things like this are popular on Facebook:
honestly, i could write an entire post JUST concerning that nonsense. i mean, it was fun at first when women were randomly posting colors (that was the color of their bra) or inches (which were the length of their feet), but that's just... well, nonsense! *sigh*
and the fact that i'm going to the monthly Buffy Meet tonight. it's less of a "Buffy" meet and more of a random nerd meet, but it's still fun. :)
also, the book i'm listening to just said:
sometimes, authors write things, and editors don't take those things out, and it makes me want to barf.
and also, i can NOT BELIEVE that i made a countdown graphic last year! in spring colors no less! ...just... what?!? how did i find time to do that? ...although, if i were to do one now it would be gunmetal with a blue and/or green gleam. it would be bad-ass, basically. but i'm not about to make/take the time for that! i mean, honestly, if i'm going to spend time designing something it's going to be the Guide which is in desperate need of some attention. it's like the Guide Staff has this love child that we all neglect. it takes a village and the entire village has deserted it. the Guide project is currently a ghost town.
...ok, if you're starting to feel a bit sad (and a little guilty if you're a staffer) raise your hand. *raises hand*
hey! i just noticed i haven't bitched about work today! have no fear. people still be bitches. i just don't want to bore you with the details.
anyway, i'm gonna go watch some Dr. Who* until it's time for me to leave (to the aforementioned "Buffy" Meet). i'll see ya tomorrow, blog! drive safe!**
*Amazon has randomly decided to give it's Prime members more stuff. as in i now can watch most seasons of Dr. Who, and other TV shows and movies by streaming them through their site. AND now that my internet connection doesn't suck anymore (i love you, cable) i can actually take advantage of such things. also, you can upload 5GB of music and stream them through their site. it's basically like having your iTunes library available in the cloud. or, at least that's how i use it.
** people keep saying that to me when they say bye to me at work. like, i know i had two accidents, but they didn't start saying that after the accidents. this is a strange NEW development. i now have a longer commute, but on the freeway. i'm a woman driver on the freeway in an economy car. statistically, i'm the safest driver on the road! why all the cautionary regards all of the sudden?
like this lost blog from Aug. 22nd.
hi blog!
as you undoubtedly already know, i have EPICALLY failed BEDA. i'm not even going to pretend that this is a BEDA post. this is just a random post that happens to be in August. new goal: blog at least once a week. i think that would be adequate, don't you? my life is boring enough that i could pretty much sum up a week of it in one post.
so, the biggest news we got going right now is that the Guide to Nerdfighting got mentioned by the one and only John Green. wow. he is NOT actually the ONLY John Green. that was... yeah, i got a little excited. ...but understandable, right?! cuz, JOHN GREEN MENTIONED THE GUIDE!!!
we LITERALLY have been working toward this as a GOAL and we have REACHED IT!!!!
this thing has been quasi real for so long i almost don't know what to do now. ALMOST. really i've been ready for this for the past 6 mths.
do you remember when all i used to talk about was the Guide? man, that was boring! but that's when i was ready! i was actually actively easing myself into the idea that maybe the Guide wasn't going to happen. ya know, making a podcast. planning another (still secret) project with Lydia. doing collab video projects. and then, BAM! the Guide is alive and well!
not to say that i'm just gonna be like, "fuck those! back to the Guide!" i'm just gonna be busier now. XD which i welcome. because i like actually doing/making things that people enjoy. i'm glad that i'm capable of making things that people enjoy! :D
whoa! we were smiley free, and then i hit you with two of them. like rapid fire!
WHY wasn't that posted? SO weird, right?!
and this, which was from Monday and i forgot to post (click to see it full-size):
and the fact that things like this are popular on Facebook:
Please don't spoil the fun, and keep it going............DON'T TELL ANY MEN!!!! Type out the sentence you end up with in YOUR STATUS!!!
Pick the month you were born:
January-------I kicked
February------I loved
March----------I karate chopped
April------------I licked
May------------I jumped on
June-----------I smelled
July------------I did the Macarena With
August--------I had lunch with
September----I danced with
October-------I sang to
November-----I yelled at
December-----I ran over
Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a snowman
6-------a gangster
7-------my mobile phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbour
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19------- a smurf
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an iPod
29-------a surfer
30-------a homeless guy
31-------a llama
What is the last number of the year you were born:
1--------- In my car
2 --------- On your car
3 --------- In a hole
4 --------- Under your bed
5 --------- Riding a Motorcycle
6 --------- sliding down a hill
7 --------- in an elevator
8---------- at the dinner table
9 -------- In line at the bank
0 -------- in your bathroom
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White---------because I'm cool like that
Black---------because that's how I roll.
Pink-----------because I'm NOT crazy.
Red-----------because the voices told me to.
Blue-----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want Green---------because I think I need some serious help. Purple---------because I'm AWESOME!
Gray----------because Big Bird said to and he's my leader. Yellow---------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars Orange---------because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway. Brown---------because I can.
Other----------because I'm a Ninja!
None----------because I can't control myself!
Now type out the sentence you made, in YOUR STATUS line and SEND THIS TO LADY friends ONLY
honestly, i could write an entire post JUST concerning that nonsense. i mean, it was fun at first when women were randomly posting colors (that was the color of their bra) or inches (which were the length of their feet), but that's just... well, nonsense! *sigh*
and the fact that i'm going to the monthly Buffy Meet tonight. it's less of a "Buffy" meet and more of a random nerd meet, but it's still fun. :)
also, the book i'm listening to just said:
"they swayed as if dancing to their own heart beats" - blech!
sometimes, authors write things, and editors don't take those things out, and it makes me want to barf.
and also, i can NOT BELIEVE that i made a countdown graphic last year! in spring colors no less! ...just... what?!? how did i find time to do that? ...although, if i were to do one now it would be gunmetal with a blue and/or green gleam. it would be bad-ass, basically. but i'm not about to make/take the time for that! i mean, honestly, if i'm going to spend time designing something it's going to be the Guide which is in desperate need of some attention. it's like the Guide Staff has this love child that we all neglect. it takes a village and the entire village has deserted it. the Guide project is currently a ghost town.
...ok, if you're starting to feel a bit sad (and a little guilty if you're a staffer) raise your hand. *raises hand*
hey! i just noticed i haven't bitched about work today! have no fear. people still be bitches. i just don't want to bore you with the details.
anyway, i'm gonna go watch some Dr. Who* until it's time for me to leave (to the aforementioned "Buffy" Meet). i'll see ya tomorrow, blog! drive safe!**
*Amazon has randomly decided to give it's Prime members more stuff. as in i now can watch most seasons of Dr. Who, and other TV shows and movies by streaming them through their site. AND now that my internet connection doesn't suck anymore (i love you, cable) i can actually take advantage of such things. also, you can upload 5GB of music and stream them through their site. it's basically like having your iTunes library available in the cloud. or, at least that's how i use it.
** people keep saying that to me when they say bye to me at work. like, i know i had two accidents, but they didn't start saying that after the accidents. this is a strange NEW development. i now have a longer commute, but on the freeway. i'm a woman driver on the freeway in an economy car. statistically, i'm the safest driver on the road! why all the cautionary regards all of the sudden?
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
BEDA6: I'm So Awesome*
hi blog!!!!
are those enough exclamation marks? cuz if not, just let me know. i can totally add more, no problem.
i had to go to the doctor today. well, i didn't HAVE to go, i made an appointment because i have a (now waning) sinus infection and i wanted to make sure i was doing the right things to make it go away. problem is, my "Primary Physician" (Dr. Buschmann. what a name!) wasn't there. so i had to see the female doctor. as it turns out, way back when her schedule was too full for me to select her as my doctor, it was luck. she sucks. way to go female doctor! make it so i prefer a man. thanks for that contribution to feminism.
anyway, she kept saying, "so can we agree to this: can we agree that (medicine i should take and when i should take it)." the problem with that is it implies there was some kind of disagreement. there wasn't. i literally said i think i have a sinus infection and this is what i've done so far, she asked if it hurt when she tapped on my nose, i told her it doesn't now but it did the other day, and she said, "so can we agree..." what???
*sigh* so annoying.
so i'll see my actual doctor at the beginning of next month.
so, nothing else really happened today. i'll spare you the gory details.
* the title, as you must have noticed by now, is completely unrelated to the content of this post. it is also just a joke. obviously.
are those enough exclamation marks? cuz if not, just let me know. i can totally add more, no problem.
i had to go to the doctor today. well, i didn't HAVE to go, i made an appointment because i have a (now waning) sinus infection and i wanted to make sure i was doing the right things to make it go away. problem is, my "Primary Physician" (Dr. Buschmann. what a name!) wasn't there. so i had to see the female doctor. as it turns out, way back when her schedule was too full for me to select her as my doctor, it was luck. she sucks. way to go female doctor! make it so i prefer a man. thanks for that contribution to feminism.
anyway, she kept saying, "so can we agree to this: can we agree that (medicine i should take and when i should take it)." the problem with that is it implies there was some kind of disagreement. there wasn't. i literally said i think i have a sinus infection and this is what i've done so far, she asked if it hurt when she tapped on my nose, i told her it doesn't now but it did the other day, and she said, "so can we agree..." what???
*sigh* so annoying.
so i'll see my actual doctor at the beginning of next month.
so, nothing else really happened today. i'll spare you the gory details.
* the title, as you must have noticed by now, is completely unrelated to the content of this post. it is also just a joke. obviously.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
unexpected rant
ok blog. so, i wrote part of this post earlier. you'll see why when you get to that part. in the mean time, i'm writing this as fast as i can so i can get to sleep cuz... well i'm always staying up to late cuz i'm some sort of masochist. like, a masochist who likes causing myself the mental pain of only being able to survive a work day by chugging caffeine. no, i don't understand it either.
anyway, here's what i wrote earlier. more of the normal babble to follow.
--------------
3:45pm
oh, blog. i was going to wait till i got home to update you on my entire day, but some things you have to get out while they're fresh.
i just got THE rudest call EVER! (i'm answering the phone at work until we get a receptionist.)
this guy calls from some center for abused women and children. and i'm like, "what is the call regarding... besides... that?" and he's like, "what didn't you understand about the question?" already, i think he's an asshole. "well, are you looking for a donation, or... what?" "i asked to speak to the owner." "well, (slight pause as i choose my words) if this is a solicitation, then that won't matter." "are you a college graduate? because it doesn't sound like you are."
i. was. FURIOUS!
"yes, i am. and now i'm hanging up on you because you are rude."
i wasn't furious because he questioned my education. like, i'm not offended personally. i'm offended that he assumes that anyone answering the phone is uneducated. i'm offended that he assumes that someone without a college degree is lesser than. and i'm offended that he thought that he could call me out and bully me. people who think like that are so sickening!
but the worst part isn't the fact that i had to deal with someone like that. the worst part is that abused women and children have someone like that speaking on their behalf. they'd be better off with no representation at all!
also, i would be remiss not to say: how many people do you know who go around asking if a call is a "solicitation." not that non-college graduates don't know the word, but it's less likely that they will use it in a common phone exchange. if he weren't such a power-tripping imbecile he would have been clued in to my education level just from my vernacular. *sigh* so MANY morons in the world!
----------------
so yeah. i was really upset at that particular moment. and i mean, seriously, why is that guy allowed to call anyone? it's too bad we don't have caller ID at work or i would have complained to his manager.
so the rest of my day was mainly uneventful. i watched the first two episodes of the new season of United States of Tara when i got home. i couldn't talk myself into the 1hr 40 min. long series premiere of Borgias.
what's that? you've never heard of Borgias? don't worry about it. don't even Google it. seriously. you'll probably be better off. that's right. the seemingly non-stop advertisements put me off it that much. that and Nurse Jackie. you wanna hear my impression of the last season of Nurse Jackie? "You're a drug addict." "You're a drug addict." "You're a drug addict." "Admit you have a problem." "You didn't tell anyone you had a husband?" "How long are you going to keeps this secret?" "You're a drug addict."
what's that you say? i didn't see the last season of Nurse Jackie??? didn't need to. Showtime insisted upon showing me an add before every episode of ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I WATCHED! ...ok. maybe i'm being a little dramatic. it wasn't everything. it was interspersed with ads for Borgias. i pretty much know the story line for the first half of the season. and i'm sure, if they continue their 15 minute blocks of ads after every show, i'll get to see the highlights of the second half as well.
what happened to the good old days when "premium" channels only showed quick teasers for their shows and got back to the programming. fucking TV.
anyway, it's 10pm, i'm really tired and this whole blog has been a ranty mess. one topic more pointless than the next. i mean, honestly, i didn't intend to rant at all. all i was gonna say was i watched United States of Tara, that i like that show despite it's goofiness, and that i'm gonna go to bed. and then that whole rant just launched a surprise attack!
and though i stand by every word of my other rant, it was also spontaneous and unintentional.
yeah, that was my roundabout (and rather long-winded) way of saying sorry for all the whining. i'll try to be a little more stable tomorrow.
anyway, here's what i wrote earlier. more of the normal babble to follow.
--------------
3:45pm
oh, blog. i was going to wait till i got home to update you on my entire day, but some things you have to get out while they're fresh.
i just got THE rudest call EVER! (i'm answering the phone at work until we get a receptionist.)
this guy calls from some center for abused women and children. and i'm like, "what is the call regarding... besides... that?" and he's like, "what didn't you understand about the question?" already, i think he's an asshole. "well, are you looking for a donation, or... what?" "i asked to speak to the owner." "well, (slight pause as i choose my words) if this is a solicitation, then that won't matter." "are you a college graduate? because it doesn't sound like you are."
i. was. FURIOUS!
"yes, i am. and now i'm hanging up on you because you are rude."
i wasn't furious because he questioned my education. like, i'm not offended personally. i'm offended that he assumes that anyone answering the phone is uneducated. i'm offended that he assumes that someone without a college degree is lesser than. and i'm offended that he thought that he could call me out and bully me. people who think like that are so sickening!
but the worst part isn't the fact that i had to deal with someone like that. the worst part is that abused women and children have someone like that speaking on their behalf. they'd be better off with no representation at all!
also, i would be remiss not to say: how many people do you know who go around asking if a call is a "solicitation." not that non-college graduates don't know the word, but it's less likely that they will use it in a common phone exchange. if he weren't such a power-tripping imbecile he would have been clued in to my education level just from my vernacular. *sigh* so MANY morons in the world!
----------------
so yeah. i was really upset at that particular moment. and i mean, seriously, why is that guy allowed to call anyone? it's too bad we don't have caller ID at work or i would have complained to his manager.
so the rest of my day was mainly uneventful. i watched the first two episodes of the new season of United States of Tara when i got home. i couldn't talk myself into the 1hr 40 min. long series premiere of Borgias.
what's that? you've never heard of Borgias? don't worry about it. don't even Google it. seriously. you'll probably be better off. that's right. the seemingly non-stop advertisements put me off it that much. that and Nurse Jackie. you wanna hear my impression of the last season of Nurse Jackie? "You're a drug addict." "You're a drug addict." "You're a drug addict." "Admit you have a problem." "You didn't tell anyone you had a husband?" "How long are you going to keeps this secret?" "You're a drug addict."
what's that you say? i didn't see the last season of Nurse Jackie??? didn't need to. Showtime insisted upon showing me an add before every episode of ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I WATCHED! ...ok. maybe i'm being a little dramatic. it wasn't everything. it was interspersed with ads for Borgias. i pretty much know the story line for the first half of the season. and i'm sure, if they continue their 15 minute blocks of ads after every show, i'll get to see the highlights of the second half as well.
what happened to the good old days when "premium" channels only showed quick teasers for their shows and got back to the programming. fucking TV.
anyway, it's 10pm, i'm really tired and this whole blog has been a ranty mess. one topic more pointless than the next. i mean, honestly, i didn't intend to rant at all. all i was gonna say was i watched United States of Tara, that i like that show despite it's goofiness, and that i'm gonna go to bed. and then that whole rant just launched a surprise attack!
and though i stand by every word of my other rant, it was also spontaneous and unintentional.
yeah, that was my roundabout (and rather long-winded) way of saying sorry for all the whining. i'll try to be a little more stable tomorrow.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Mondays are Awesome (no really!)
blogging before i get to tired and this becomes BEODA (Blog Every Other Day in April). not that there's anything wrong with blogging every other day, but then it would be pronounced bee-oh-duh, and that just sounds dumb.
i did not go to sleep until, like, 1:30am. because i'm dumb, obviously.
when i do my hair, i sleep in a bonnet dryer like this:
it usually dries my hair in no time. it also sometimes gets so hot it burns me, but i'm a freak and sleep through it.* (i've started waking up when i start to feel too hot. no worries!)
last night i apparently took it off (half asleep and with no recollection of the event, as usual**) too soon and had to spend half an hour with my regular, hand-held hair dryer. even so, i still had the worst hair day ever. :/
don't you love Monday mornings? i TOTALLY do! *copious amounts of sarcasm*
at least i got more of my awesome caffeinated cocoa in the mail today. so that was good.
oh yeah! and i made a vlog!
well, i'm tired and i'm going to bed. see you tomorrow! :D
* seriously. who can sleep through LITERALLY being burned??? what the fuck is wrong with my nervous system?!?
** i sleep like the dead. you could literally pick me up and drop me and i won't wake up. i know from what people have told me they've done in attempts to wake me up. i've also, on occasion, had entire conversations in my sleep (phone, in person, whatever) and have no memory of it when i wake up.
i did not go to sleep until, like, 1:30am. because i'm dumb, obviously.
when i do my hair, i sleep in a bonnet dryer like this:
it usually dries my hair in no time. it also sometimes gets so hot it burns me, but i'm a freak and sleep through it.* (i've started waking up when i start to feel too hot. no worries!)
last night i apparently took it off (half asleep and with no recollection of the event, as usual**) too soon and had to spend half an hour with my regular, hand-held hair dryer. even so, i still had the worst hair day ever. :/
don't you love Monday mornings? i TOTALLY do! *copious amounts of sarcasm*
at least i got more of my awesome caffeinated cocoa in the mail today. so that was good.
oh yeah! and i made a vlog!
well, i'm tired and i'm going to bed. see you tomorrow! :D
* seriously. who can sleep through LITERALLY being burned??? what the fuck is wrong with my nervous system?!?
** i sleep like the dead. you could literally pick me up and drop me and i won't wake up. i know from what people have told me they've done in attempts to wake me up. i've also, on occasion, had entire conversations in my sleep (phone, in person, whatever) and have no memory of it when i wake up.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Yesterday
yesterday I inexplicably fell asleep at 10:30pm. which means I didn't sit down to write a blog post. so I'll write two today. as for this one, I have no idea what I was gonna ramble about yesterday. I had a plan yesterday, too. ah well.
so once again I'm finding that I want to do 10 things, but I only have time for 5. I think I'm gonna have to work out some kind of time management plan.
by the way, I'm writing this from my phone in bed. which is probably how I would've ended up writing it yesterday had I not fallen asleep. :/
I must mention that it feels kinda weird not feeling guilty about having missed the second day. not writing a whole paragraph berating myself. instead of "oh no!" it's "oops! *giggle.*" which is much better, really.
so now I think I need to start working on my podcast. gotta plan everything from the topics to possible guests. all the best episodes had a firm structure.
oh, did I ever mention we've been syndicated. our show can be heard every Tues. and Thurs. at 3pm EDT. on freekradio.com. (so many abbreviations in that sentence!)
well I'm gonna go have what will probably be a very boring day. but near the end I'll write another blog that you will hopefully find somewhat interesting.
Friday, April 1, 2011
BEDA1 - A New Beginning
alright. well. it's 10:30 and if i procrastinate much longer, i'll have failed BEDA on the first day, which is unprecedented for me. and, though i'm all up for trying new things, i don't see myself enjoying that in any way.
i just imagined myself in that scenario as i typed the last sentence. just looking at the clock at 12:30am, realizing i was supposed to have written a blog, and just feeling like an utter and complete failure and being really bummed out and regretful and wishing i could push back the clock. now, i'm pretty sure that was a run-on sentence and also that it seems really over-dramatic, but sadly it's true. i would feel really bad about myself for at least a minute. and i might even be put off the entire project at that point, i'd probably be so disheartened.
in conclusion, i am writing now, and i'm going to make a fair go of "winning" BEDA. (more on my quotation marks in a moment.)
so, other than beda beginning today, there really aren't any other "new beginnings" as one would assume from the title. i just wanted to start things off with a bang and figured a dramatic title was the best way to do it.
so, okay, having done BEDA and "Blaugust" last year, i can now come at this with a strategy. and really it's more of an anti-strategy. being that i've known myself intimately my entire life,* i've gotten to know certain things about myself such as the fact that if i make a big deal out of something and put pressure on myself about it, i increase my chances for failure significantly. (oh! my sentence structure is so... oh, it's so bad! but i just can't be bothered to edit it properly. if i do, it'll become this perfectionist game and i won't finish in time, i know it!)
so, in short, i'm just gonna write a blog every day. i'm not gonna plan it out and think of topics ahead of time. i'm not gonna worry about repeat topics or if it's funny or clever or... well any of the regular** bullshit i worry about. (i know what you're thinking. you see no evidence of that in my other blog posts. but you know, i'm like, on the short bus of writers. and it's really not nice to make fun of kids on the short bus!) instead, i'm not going to worry about anything. i'm removing all of the pressures that i imagine for myself. i'm just gonna write a fucking blog every day, and if it's shit, i'm not going to care. mostly because i've just owned up to it ahead of time, and if you hate it, you can't say i didn't warn you.
and here, this paragraph right here, i will come back to the parenthetical promise i made earlier to talk about why i put quotes around the word "winning" in reference to BEDA. see, when we*** miss a day during this project, we say we failed. but we don't say we "won" BEDA if we wrote every day. it's not a competition. it's just an experience. no one looks at your blog if you miss a day (or quit completely, as is sometimes apt to happen) and goes, "aw! they failed at BEDA. they clearly suck at this." but whenever you see the next blog post after someone misses a day, they totally berate themselves! (i'm guilty of this, too.) they talk about how they failed, or they suck, or they apologize. and, as a reader i'm not like, "you did fail, and it does kind of suck, but i'm glad you recognize your error. all is forgiven." no! i always think the person is being a bit hard on themselves. it's just a... a game really. a goal. can you do it? and there's a million reasons (like, you know, normal daily life) why you might not succeed. but that actually isn't really a bad thing. it's just a thing.
so, to anyone reading my BEDA posts this year and participating as well, please don't feel bad and say you failed if you miss a day (or possibly quit altogether). you have nothing to be ashamed of, and i promise not to judge you for it.
now that i've finished that all important rant that i was all gung-ho to write when i started, it just seems kinda pretentious and corny and stupid. but, i started this post by saying i wouldn't get all caught up in the content and editing and criticizing myself... well, i'll criticize myself, but i'm still gonna freakin' post it.
ok, i'm gonna go read some BEDAs and watch some VEDAs. see ya here tomorrow. ...except not here literally. cuz it would be weird if i just kept adding to the same post tomorrow instead of making a new one.
* wow! that sounds kinda like some kind of sly reference to masturbation. and it's not. that would be kind of weird if, for my entire life, even before i had a libido to speak of, i had been masturbating. this would be a post about the need for hormone therapy then, i think.
** i was going to write "normal," but let's face it, probably nothing regarding me and my blogging/writing habits is normal. it's certainly not grammatical in any case.
*** those of us who participate in BEDA and/or V(log)EDA.
i just imagined myself in that scenario as i typed the last sentence. just looking at the clock at 12:30am, realizing i was supposed to have written a blog, and just feeling like an utter and complete failure and being really bummed out and regretful and wishing i could push back the clock. now, i'm pretty sure that was a run-on sentence and also that it seems really over-dramatic, but sadly it's true. i would feel really bad about myself for at least a minute. and i might even be put off the entire project at that point, i'd probably be so disheartened.
in conclusion, i am writing now, and i'm going to make a fair go of "winning" BEDA. (more on my quotation marks in a moment.)
so, other than beda beginning today, there really aren't any other "new beginnings" as one would assume from the title. i just wanted to start things off with a bang and figured a dramatic title was the best way to do it.
so, okay, having done BEDA and "Blaugust" last year, i can now come at this with a strategy. and really it's more of an anti-strategy. being that i've known myself intimately my entire life,* i've gotten to know certain things about myself such as the fact that if i make a big deal out of something and put pressure on myself about it, i increase my chances for failure significantly. (oh! my sentence structure is so... oh, it's so bad! but i just can't be bothered to edit it properly. if i do, it'll become this perfectionist game and i won't finish in time, i know it!)
so, in short, i'm just gonna write a blog every day. i'm not gonna plan it out and think of topics ahead of time. i'm not gonna worry about repeat topics or if it's funny or clever or... well any of the regular** bullshit i worry about. (i know what you're thinking. you see no evidence of that in my other blog posts. but you know, i'm like, on the short bus of writers. and it's really not nice to make fun of kids on the short bus!) instead, i'm not going to worry about anything. i'm removing all of the pressures that i imagine for myself. i'm just gonna write a fucking blog every day, and if it's shit, i'm not going to care. mostly because i've just owned up to it ahead of time, and if you hate it, you can't say i didn't warn you.
and here, this paragraph right here, i will come back to the parenthetical promise i made earlier to talk about why i put quotes around the word "winning" in reference to BEDA. see, when we*** miss a day during this project, we say we failed. but we don't say we "won" BEDA if we wrote every day. it's not a competition. it's just an experience. no one looks at your blog if you miss a day (or quit completely, as is sometimes apt to happen) and goes, "aw! they failed at BEDA. they clearly suck at this." but whenever you see the next blog post after someone misses a day, they totally berate themselves! (i'm guilty of this, too.) they talk about how they failed, or they suck, or they apologize. and, as a reader i'm not like, "you did fail, and it does kind of suck, but i'm glad you recognize your error. all is forgiven." no! i always think the person is being a bit hard on themselves. it's just a... a game really. a goal. can you do it? and there's a million reasons (like, you know, normal daily life) why you might not succeed. but that actually isn't really a bad thing. it's just a thing.
so, to anyone reading my BEDA posts this year and participating as well, please don't feel bad and say you failed if you miss a day (or possibly quit altogether). you have nothing to be ashamed of, and i promise not to judge you for it.
now that i've finished that all important rant that i was all gung-ho to write when i started, it just seems kinda pretentious and corny and stupid. but, i started this post by saying i wouldn't get all caught up in the content and editing and criticizing myself... well, i'll criticize myself, but i'm still gonna freakin' post it.
ok, i'm gonna go read some BEDAs and watch some VEDAs. see ya here tomorrow. ...except not here literally. cuz it would be weird if i just kept adding to the same post tomorrow instead of making a new one.
* wow! that sounds kinda like some kind of sly reference to masturbation. and it's not. that would be kind of weird if, for my entire life, even before i had a libido to speak of, i had been masturbating. this would be a post about the need for hormone therapy then, i think.
** i was going to write "normal," but let's face it, probably nothing regarding me and my blogging/writing habits is normal. it's certainly not grammatical in any case.
*** those of us who participate in BEDA and/or V(log)EDA.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Writing Exercise
don't read this. seriously.
it's really long and rambly and mostly unedited cuz it's meant as a writing exercise. if you read past this point and are disappointed (which i mean, honestly, this is my blog so when doesn't that happen when you read this? you're clearly a glutton for punishment.) don't blame me. cuz you can't say i didn't warn you.
...really? you're still reading? you're serious about this? ok, your funeral. or well, perhaps your mild headache. this writing isn't up to par for killing. (it's not even epically bad! it's just monotonous pablum. terrible right? WHY are you reading this?) ok, here it is:
“I feel really crappy today.” I texted my mother when she asked me how I was today. That was around lunch time on Friday. I started coughing more and more. I started feeling fatigued. My awesome caffeinated cocoa, even spiked with coffee, was having only a marginal effect. There was only 30 minutes of work left. I could make another super-caffeinated cocoa coffee to get me through it, or just go home. While i was confident the cocoa coffee would work, I was less confident about surviving my drive home afterward. I wasn’t confident about making the drive home now.
Somehow I made it home, coughing all the way. Mom had dinner on the table. I said I just wanted to go to bed. She said, “Well, come eat first.” She could probably already tell that once I was in bed I was staying there. I listened to her and sat at the counter. Steak, rice and green beans. I wanted fresh squeezed lemon and ginger. I was too fatigued to get it, so I just ate it as it was. In retrospect, I could have just asked for it, but my foggy brain couldn’t work that out at the time. I changed my clothes and went to bed. And slept.
My skin was at that extra-sensitive level you only feel when you’re sick, which makes you super susceptible to cold and barely able to handle the feeling of your soft blankets grazing your skin. And with the fever you don’t want blankets at all because it’s too hot and any clothing feels like too much clothing. (I am VERY pro-clothing, so this is a very strong statement.) But you’re feeling these things simultaneously, so you don’t know which impulse to follow first. I realized my feet were burning up. Like I felt I might die if I didn’t do something to cool down my feet immediately. So I took off my socks and stuck my feet out from under the blankets, exposing them to the cool air. Even so, it took a minute for my feet to cool to a tolerable temperature. When they did and I could stand to keep them under the blankets again, I felt one of my feet touch my leg and noticed how warm it was. My feet are very rarely warm. Poor circulation, whatever. My feet are just cold. Even when they’re warm they’re still noticeably colder than the rest of my body. This is how I knew I had a fever. I turned over and went back to sleep.
My eyes felt heavy. Everything felt heavy. Everything had a dull ache in it. It didn’t so much ache to move as just ached to be. Just having the limb meant it was going to hurt. Moving didn’t hurt more, it was just a lot of effort. My brain was too groggy to read a book and I don’t think my eyes could take the effort. Besides, sitting up and finding a comfortable position to read in was impossible, seeing as no position was comfortable. I tried to check twitter. Between long heavy blinks, strained eyes took in the status updates. Chris Hardwick would be on The Soup. I like Chris Hardwick. I turned it on. I propped up my pillows so that they would support me in a sitting position. I forced my eyes to look at the screen. It took all my energy. When I blinked, I kept my eyes closed for as long as it was possible for you to still be considered watching something. I closed my eyes during the commercial breaks, listening intently for when the show came back. I didn’t watch and process in the usual sense. I kind of just absorbed. Chris was only on for a moment to plug his show. Literally hopped into the frame, talked for a moment, then hopped back out of the frame. And the show ended a few minutes after that. I lay back and closed my eyes, exhausted from the effort of watching the show. I was disappointed. So much effort for only a moment. I would have tweeted a complaint, but I knew he would literally feel bad. (on his podcast he always talks about feeling bad after reading stuff like that.) And I already felt bad enough. No need to cause more misery. I slept for a few more hours. I remember waking up a few times. Talking to my mom, or rather telling her I couldn’t talk because it would just make me cough. I found I also couldn’t talk because my throat perpetually needed cleared and my voice was nearly gone. It took so long and so much effort just to prepare my throat enough to get a few words out, and then I’d have a coughing fit. Prep, half a phrase, coughing fit, prep, finish phrase, coughing fit. Exhausting. Also, it’s hard to remember what the hell you’re even talking about when it takes over a minute to get a sentence out. Also, my mind really couldn’t handle a full conversation at the moment. I could take in information, with effort, but processing that information and coming up with a response was just asking too much. I also remember my mom giving me vitamins. And then I slept. Whatever else happened until noon on Saturday I was not conscious to report.
Despite needing to pee like mad, my body was not motivated. Only the knowledge that I didn’t want to pee on myself got me into the bathroom. And even then, just barely.
All I wanted was to get back into bed. Part of my brain wanted to be awake and think and do things. Everything else wanted to go back to sleep.
“I have movies we can watch!” said my mother. Movies, at this point, were far to much effort. First I would have to keep my eyes open for the full hour and a half. (A thirty minute show put me out for 2 hours.) Second I would have to follow the story. (Not sure I was capable of that.) And finally I would have to process the whole thing. (That was asking too much.)
Instead I listened to an audio book about vampires, zombies and ghouls. It was like lots of books. Not great writing, but an interesting enough story. Ya know, like everything I write. Like whatever I’ll end up with if I ever finish any of the stuff I’m writing. I nearly wrote the word “novel” but, jesus, that sounds pretentious. Good writers write novels. I’m not a good writer.
Whatever it is that I write, assuming I finish it, I suppose it will be called a novel. But I won’t like it. If you notice things like this at all then you will have noticed that I’ve capitalized my sentences and my “I’s.” Ya know, used proper grammar. There is a reason for this.
Part of this blog is just my blog and you’ll read it and hopefully be mildly entertained. (Too ambitious??? Sorry.) But part of this blog is a writing exercise. You may notice the tense change and repetitive language. And I usually correct things like that in my blogs. But right now I don’t care cuz it’s a writing exercise.
So anyway, that book was what? 5? 8 hours long? And I just laid in bed and listened to it. And I was glad I had it. Because doing anything else would have been exhausting.
At some point I logged into Skype and I got to talk to Clive. I was hoping I’d get to talk to Clive, but thought it was too late. (Time zones.) So that was good. I’ll have to look at the time stamp later to find out when that actually happened.
I think I kept pretty good track of what day it was. Despite everything all kind of melding together. I can’t really tell now when one thing or another happened, but at the time that it happened I knew what day it was. I knew when it was Sunday. I couldn’t really remember everything that had gone on Saturday, but I knew that it was Sunday.
I also got to catch up on some of my YouTube watching. By this time it was Sunday and I could keep my eyes open with little to no effort. For some reason when I would watch videos by Lydia or Hank, they would freeze. This is especially odd because when I would watch other videos on the same channel (John’s videos or the other ladies of 7NAP) I didn’t have a problem. This would happen to me on my old internet connection as well. Which can only leave me with one conclusion. YouTube is trying to prevent me from enjoying the goodness contained in both Hank and Lydia videos. And granted, there is more goodness in those videos than it should probably be legal to allow, but John and the other 7NAP ladies have some pretty fantastic videos as well and I had no trouble viewing theirs. So Lydia (who I know will eventually read this), Hank (who I know will never read this), there’s a conspiracy. I don’t know how far the conspiracy goes. I don’t know if YT is preventing just me from enjoying your awesome, or if other people are suffering too, but I just thought I should let you know that it exists.
So now I’m still a bit fatigued and still coughing and still blowing my nose and still on a bunch of meds and cough drops, but at least I’m not still fatigued, coughing, blowing my nose, on a constant stream of meds and cough drops while trying to be at work. That would definitely suck WAY more!
While I could probably think of more things to ramble about, or more details I could add, I won’t. The medicine is making me drowsy. This sentenced is being typed with my eyes closed. I literally can’t be bothered to look at what I’m writing anymore.
Oh, and by the way, especially having taken so long to get around to blogging, I am absolutely horrified at the thought of BEDA. Which starts in 4 DAYS! wheeeee!
it's really long and rambly and mostly unedited cuz it's meant as a writing exercise. if you read past this point and are disappointed (which i mean, honestly, this is my blog so when doesn't that happen when you read this? you're clearly a glutton for punishment.) don't blame me. cuz you can't say i didn't warn you.
...really? you're still reading? you're serious about this? ok, your funeral. or well, perhaps your mild headache. this writing isn't up to par for killing. (it's not even epically bad! it's just monotonous pablum. terrible right? WHY are you reading this?) ok, here it is:
“I feel really crappy today.” I texted my mother when she asked me how I was today. That was around lunch time on Friday. I started coughing more and more. I started feeling fatigued. My awesome caffeinated cocoa, even spiked with coffee, was having only a marginal effect. There was only 30 minutes of work left. I could make another super-caffeinated cocoa coffee to get me through it, or just go home. While i was confident the cocoa coffee would work, I was less confident about surviving my drive home afterward. I wasn’t confident about making the drive home now.
Somehow I made it home, coughing all the way. Mom had dinner on the table. I said I just wanted to go to bed. She said, “Well, come eat first.” She could probably already tell that once I was in bed I was staying there. I listened to her and sat at the counter. Steak, rice and green beans. I wanted fresh squeezed lemon and ginger. I was too fatigued to get it, so I just ate it as it was. In retrospect, I could have just asked for it, but my foggy brain couldn’t work that out at the time. I changed my clothes and went to bed. And slept.
My skin was at that extra-sensitive level you only feel when you’re sick, which makes you super susceptible to cold and barely able to handle the feeling of your soft blankets grazing your skin. And with the fever you don’t want blankets at all because it’s too hot and any clothing feels like too much clothing. (I am VERY pro-clothing, so this is a very strong statement.) But you’re feeling these things simultaneously, so you don’t know which impulse to follow first. I realized my feet were burning up. Like I felt I might die if I didn’t do something to cool down my feet immediately. So I took off my socks and stuck my feet out from under the blankets, exposing them to the cool air. Even so, it took a minute for my feet to cool to a tolerable temperature. When they did and I could stand to keep them under the blankets again, I felt one of my feet touch my leg and noticed how warm it was. My feet are very rarely warm. Poor circulation, whatever. My feet are just cold. Even when they’re warm they’re still noticeably colder than the rest of my body. This is how I knew I had a fever. I turned over and went back to sleep.
My eyes felt heavy. Everything felt heavy. Everything had a dull ache in it. It didn’t so much ache to move as just ached to be. Just having the limb meant it was going to hurt. Moving didn’t hurt more, it was just a lot of effort. My brain was too groggy to read a book and I don’t think my eyes could take the effort. Besides, sitting up and finding a comfortable position to read in was impossible, seeing as no position was comfortable. I tried to check twitter. Between long heavy blinks, strained eyes took in the status updates. Chris Hardwick would be on The Soup. I like Chris Hardwick. I turned it on. I propped up my pillows so that they would support me in a sitting position. I forced my eyes to look at the screen. It took all my energy. When I blinked, I kept my eyes closed for as long as it was possible for you to still be considered watching something. I closed my eyes during the commercial breaks, listening intently for when the show came back. I didn’t watch and process in the usual sense. I kind of just absorbed. Chris was only on for a moment to plug his show. Literally hopped into the frame, talked for a moment, then hopped back out of the frame. And the show ended a few minutes after that. I lay back and closed my eyes, exhausted from the effort of watching the show. I was disappointed. So much effort for only a moment. I would have tweeted a complaint, but I knew he would literally feel bad. (on his podcast he always talks about feeling bad after reading stuff like that.) And I already felt bad enough. No need to cause more misery. I slept for a few more hours. I remember waking up a few times. Talking to my mom, or rather telling her I couldn’t talk because it would just make me cough. I found I also couldn’t talk because my throat perpetually needed cleared and my voice was nearly gone. It took so long and so much effort just to prepare my throat enough to get a few words out, and then I’d have a coughing fit. Prep, half a phrase, coughing fit, prep, finish phrase, coughing fit. Exhausting. Also, it’s hard to remember what the hell you’re even talking about when it takes over a minute to get a sentence out. Also, my mind really couldn’t handle a full conversation at the moment. I could take in information, with effort, but processing that information and coming up with a response was just asking too much. I also remember my mom giving me vitamins. And then I slept. Whatever else happened until noon on Saturday I was not conscious to report.
Despite needing to pee like mad, my body was not motivated. Only the knowledge that I didn’t want to pee on myself got me into the bathroom. And even then, just barely.
All I wanted was to get back into bed. Part of my brain wanted to be awake and think and do things. Everything else wanted to go back to sleep.
“I have movies we can watch!” said my mother. Movies, at this point, were far to much effort. First I would have to keep my eyes open for the full hour and a half. (A thirty minute show put me out for 2 hours.) Second I would have to follow the story. (Not sure I was capable of that.) And finally I would have to process the whole thing. (That was asking too much.)
Instead I listened to an audio book about vampires, zombies and ghouls. It was like lots of books. Not great writing, but an interesting enough story. Ya know, like everything I write. Like whatever I’ll end up with if I ever finish any of the stuff I’m writing. I nearly wrote the word “novel” but, jesus, that sounds pretentious. Good writers write novels. I’m not a good writer.
Whatever it is that I write, assuming I finish it, I suppose it will be called a novel. But I won’t like it. If you notice things like this at all then you will have noticed that I’ve capitalized my sentences and my “I’s.” Ya know, used proper grammar. There is a reason for this.
Part of this blog is just my blog and you’ll read it and hopefully be mildly entertained. (Too ambitious??? Sorry.) But part of this blog is a writing exercise. You may notice the tense change and repetitive language. And I usually correct things like that in my blogs. But right now I don’t care cuz it’s a writing exercise.
So anyway, that book was what? 5? 8 hours long? And I just laid in bed and listened to it. And I was glad I had it. Because doing anything else would have been exhausting.
At some point I logged into Skype and I got to talk to Clive. I was hoping I’d get to talk to Clive, but thought it was too late. (Time zones.) So that was good. I’ll have to look at the time stamp later to find out when that actually happened.
I think I kept pretty good track of what day it was. Despite everything all kind of melding together. I can’t really tell now when one thing or another happened, but at the time that it happened I knew what day it was. I knew when it was Sunday. I couldn’t really remember everything that had gone on Saturday, but I knew that it was Sunday.
I also got to catch up on some of my YouTube watching. By this time it was Sunday and I could keep my eyes open with little to no effort. For some reason when I would watch videos by Lydia or Hank, they would freeze. This is especially odd because when I would watch other videos on the same channel (John’s videos or the other ladies of 7NAP) I didn’t have a problem. This would happen to me on my old internet connection as well. Which can only leave me with one conclusion. YouTube is trying to prevent me from enjoying the goodness contained in both Hank and Lydia videos. And granted, there is more goodness in those videos than it should probably be legal to allow, but John and the other 7NAP ladies have some pretty fantastic videos as well and I had no trouble viewing theirs. So Lydia (who I know will eventually read this), Hank (who I know will never read this), there’s a conspiracy. I don’t know how far the conspiracy goes. I don’t know if YT is preventing just me from enjoying your awesome, or if other people are suffering too, but I just thought I should let you know that it exists.
So now I’m still a bit fatigued and still coughing and still blowing my nose and still on a bunch of meds and cough drops, but at least I’m not still fatigued, coughing, blowing my nose, on a constant stream of meds and cough drops while trying to be at work. That would definitely suck WAY more!
While I could probably think of more things to ramble about, or more details I could add, I won’t. The medicine is making me drowsy. This sentenced is being typed with my eyes closed. I literally can’t be bothered to look at what I’m writing anymore.
Oh, and by the way, especially having taken so long to get around to blogging, I am absolutely horrified at the thought of BEDA. Which starts in 4 DAYS! wheeeee!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Daylight Savings Time
this year I figured there was no way I'd wake up late after daylight savings. my phone's clock changes automatically and I use my phone as an alarm clock, so I'm set.
wrong!
my mom was woken up by the phone, the bus driver calling after my brother, and she in turn woke me.
we could hear the alarm ever so faintly and I went into the living room to find it. it was nowhere and I couldn't heart it anymore. then I remembered that I had checked the battery level before I went to sleep (no battery power, no alarm), that it should be by my bed, and it therefore must have glitched.
it didn't.
I followed the faint sound of the still ringing alarm to the place where it was wrapped in my comforter.
it was literally right next to me!!!
I just... that was... that was just too ridiculous not to share, blog.
*sigh* *continues day*
Sunday, March 13, 2011
writing
don't call it a comeback!
...or do. i don't care.
hey blog! long time no ramble!
i've been utterly busy with utterly dull things. hence why there haven't been too many updates. i'm working and knitting mostly. that's my life in a nutshell. occasionally i make an appearance on YT. that's it.
while i enjoy knitting, it isn't really something you write a blog about. ...unless you're really good at it and make a knitting a blog. in which case, that would be fine. and much more interesting than anything i would blather on about.
so now that i've avoided insulting any knitting bloggers who may have stumbled upon this blog...
lately i've been getting story ideas and trying my hand at writing. they're interesting ideas, however, as readers of this blog will surely agree, i'm a shit writer. so instead of the ideas being communicated with eloquence and style (and, ya know, an interesting manner), they're just written. most of the time when i read it back it just sounds clumsy and trite and awful.
but oh well. it's still fun to do. so i do it when i have the time. maybe, with the practice, i'll win NaNoWriMo this year.
...or do. i don't care.
hey blog! long time no ramble!
i've been utterly busy with utterly dull things. hence why there haven't been too many updates. i'm working and knitting mostly. that's my life in a nutshell. occasionally i make an appearance on YT. that's it.
while i enjoy knitting, it isn't really something you write a blog about. ...unless you're really good at it and make a knitting a blog. in which case, that would be fine. and much more interesting than anything i would blather on about.
so now that i've avoided insulting any knitting bloggers who may have stumbled upon this blog...
lately i've been getting story ideas and trying my hand at writing. they're interesting ideas, however, as readers of this blog will surely agree, i'm a shit writer. so instead of the ideas being communicated with eloquence and style (and, ya know, an interesting manner), they're just written. most of the time when i read it back it just sounds clumsy and trite and awful.
but oh well. it's still fun to do. so i do it when i have the time. maybe, with the practice, i'll win NaNoWriMo this year.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
something good (for a change)
so my friend Charlie from 7NAP just made a wonderful video with a positive message about self-esteem. i am proud to say that i was part of this project and i am so proud of her for both coming up with the project, and making such a fantastic video. if you haven't watched it, please do and have everyone you know watch it as well. it really is worth it. :)
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